How GREAT!

There are days that I remember why I am here, and days that I forget. I was a bit more on the forgetful side this morning with the internet not working and the heat and the long list of to do's for the day, but this song was all the reminder of what I needed. They start out in "our" country in the extremely familiar auto rickshaws, involve a choir of little African kids (and who doesn't LOVE that?!) and watching people of all languages worship just brought me to tears remembering my purpose. Hope your also will be encouraged to see the love of our Father and his name being praised in all corners of the earth. Makes you want to join in, doesn't it?!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GyGD3zH9Xvc&feature=fvwrel

Out of my Control

I have never thought of myself as a control freak. I am pretty much a "go with the flow," people please-er. I think one of the most eye opening things about the past few months is becoming aware of my desire to control something, and the detriment of trying to control something just for the sake of controlling it. This happens in South Asia and it drives us nuts... There may be a guard who does nothing all day but tell people to park in some random order. It is the only "power" the guy has, but he still needs to exert his power to control where you park, or which way the nose of your car is turned. They tell you to not walk somewhere just because it is the only thing that they have any control over. I think they are crazy "control freaks" but I know that I am not any better than them. I try to control things around my house, and in my own way do the same little nit-picky things. I try to control my schedule, but life here is totally full of unexpected plans and you never know who is going to call you and ask you to come over or who might be at the door stopping by to visit. 

So, I have to say how hard it is to not be in control of things with our adoption. We have done all we can up to this point and we are just waiting on paperwork and then it will be even more waiting for our referral, and then more waiting for Ethiopia to set up a court date for us, and then MORE waiting for the US embassy to approve all the Ethiopian paperwork and then give them a visa. Nothing in pretty much the rest of the process is within our control. I feel like I could go through everything about our child (or kids) that I cannot control... but instead of being upset at the long list of things I can't control, I would rather make it into a prayer list. I cannot control if the birth mother of our baby eats good food and drinks clean water, but I can pray that she make good choices and stays healthy. I cannot control who finds them, gives them up, or whatever happens before they are in the adoption agency's hands, but I KNOW the one who will be with our baby before anyone, and I will trust Him to take care of them when I can't be there yet. I can't control the judges and authorities in Ethiopia, but I will depend One who is truly judge and authority of all and leave things in HIS control. I can't control how long things take, but I will ask the Lord to continue to grow Ryan and me as we wait and that our baby will grow strong and be ready to come home to us at God's perfect timing. I wish we could just push past all the obstacles of adoption and needy babies would be placed in loving families without any issues, waiting for a year or more, or tens of thousands of dollars, but that is not the world in which we live. It just makes me long even more the world in which God is in supreme control and there is no pain, no death, no tears... the forever home we were made for... but until then, we live in a world where things are not fair, and life is not easy. One thing I can control is my attitude towards the whole thing. I can control my reaction to the injustices. I can give my selfish desires to the Lord and allow his perfect timing to be my delight. I can surrender to HIS plan and be excited about what our family will look like. Though it is hard to unclasp my grip on wanting to control our future family, but I will let go... leave my desires at the feet of Jesus... and let HIM be in control of everything.

Sown in Tears...

In my life, I think I have had things pretty easy. Life in India and being so far from home and family as well as the struggles of being in a place where things don't go like they "should" has not been easy, but pretty much everything is do-able. I have had my share of tears, no doubt, but nothing has been as hard as what I am about to write. This is the first time I have actually shared this in writing, so it might sound a bit raw, but its just me being real and accepting life as it is.

I have always wanted to have a scores of kiddos... I wanted 5 since I was little. Ryan and I compromised on 3, and soon after we got married we figured we should start. As you all know, our planning and timing was not the Lord's.... and we have seen all the emotions: patience, anxiousness, bitterness, confusion, as well as contentment, waiting on our baby. Our kids. I have gone through seasons of jealousy, anger, excitement, fear, as well as grieving the loss of something I might never have.

This last week God gave me a verse for someone else who is having a baby and has gone through her own share of tears along the way of the birth of this little guy, and as I shared it with her, I realized that it was also for me.

Psalm 126:5-6 "Those who sow in tears, will reap with songs of JOY. He who goes out carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of JOY, carrying sheaves with him."

There is something to be gained through the months and years of tears, waiting. I wish there was a way to just change things and make our adoption easier, or for us to have a baby naturally, but it is just a long, HARD road. Some days I am so grateful for the time I have now to prepare our home, and make the perfect quilt and crochet projects. I have lots of time to pour into language and work here in our city and I have energy and time to be out with people, building relationships. I am thankful. But it does not make it easier. I still have my moments when I wonder if it will EVER happen... Adoption is not for the feint of heart. It is a long, detailed process that is WAY out of my comfort zone, and living internationally and adopting from a different country makes things even more insane. But this is our life. And for some reason, God wants to teach me through my tears how to be more like HIM. How to have compassion on people in a way I have never shown compassion before. I don't think this adoption is just creating a better life for a child, or a way for Ryan and I to grow our family, but it is a way for God to grow us, deepen our relationship with him, and remind us that we are not in control of anything, but everything is in HIS sovereign hands. 


It is still SO long until the day we will finally get to hold our little guy in our arms.... We have so much more paperwork and there could be delays for any number of things, but we are just trusting that one day, "our faith will be sight"(at least in this area) and we will be able to hug and kiss our little Rainbolt... or Rainbolts!.... and that we will be unable to contain the songs of JOY as we carry our sheaves home with us! I long for that day, but like my mom said once, "It's not on the mountain tops that our faith grows deep roots... It's down in the valleys, when life is hard and maybe a bit sad that we can deepen our roots and grow us to bring HIM more Glory." So, we will continue to carry out the seed, and plant it in places we have not been before, and even as we sow in tears, we know that there will one day be a harvest. I wish we could just stop all the injustices in the world and life could just work like we plan, but our God is too good to just let us have everything we want. He sometimes does not give us the things we ask for simply because he knows the future better than we do. Maybe there can never be a harvest without the tears to begin with... to water the long hardened ground... so that God can produce a harvest of JOY! I want to be part of THAT... and even when "the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vine, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen, and no cattle in the stalls, YET I WILL REJOICE IN THE LORD, I will be joyful in GOD my Savior." Habakkuk 3:17-18

Tithes

"Will a man rob God? Yet you rob me. But you ask, 'How do we rob you?' In tithes and offerings... Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this, says the Lord Almighty, and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heavens and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it!" Malachi 3:8, 10

This verse has been on my mind for a few weeks. I kept wondering what God has for me in this verse... I thought to myself, "well, Ryan and I have our tithe set up on a bank draft so we can't forget it, so I don't think that God is saying I am robbing from him..." Then the thought occurred that maybe it was not about a weekly tithe, or even about money at all. God doesn't just ask for our money, but also our time, energy, and attitudes. My offering to him is not limited to money, but it is all about living a life of service that pleases HIM. God wants my time. He wants my friendship. He wants me to desire to serve Him. And sometimes, I just get focused on myself and my own problems, that often seem bigger than they really are. As I sat in an auto traveling to a poor part of my city to help with a B study, I was tired and worn out by the stresses of living in this culture, and I frustratedly wanted to shake my fists and ask, "How much more are you going to make me go through, Lord? Seriously, I don't know how much more I have to give?!" He gently reminded me that if I bring an offering of my life and service and leave it before his throne, He wants to show me HIS blessings... straight from the FLOODGATES of HEAVEN! WOW! God wants his blessings to be poured out on this WHOLE city, country and world... but he tells us to test Him... to give him our best and through this, He can teach us what HIS blessings really are. The blessings He gives may not look like material blessings, just like the tithe is not only material things. But He tells us to test Him... so I really want to do it! Then I thought about robbing God. Does He really need my money, or energy, or time? Are we robbing Him by not giving Him things, OR are we robbing Him of His opportunity to be proven TRUE by our service and HIS pouring out of HIS blessings! Again WOW! I know as a teacher, I couldn't give students special treats unless they showed me they were making right choices... And parenting is the same way. You hate taking away privileges because they did not do what they were told, but you know that it is necessary. If we really believed that God has the floodgates of HEAVEN waiting for to be poured over us, would we change the way we view our everyday life?

Our House!

Well... our "house" is really an apartment, but it is totally home, so we call it a house anyway! We found a flat, as they are called here, extremely fast, and PTL all the paper work was completed in record time! Ryan is the one of us that gets things done quickly, so he really gets all the credit. I had been pr-ing that when we saw the house, we would just KNOW. We liked the house, but I did not feel that I knew yet. The next morning we thought we would check out the neighborhood around the apartment, since we had only had time to see the inside before. When we walked on the street and saw the people and little shops... and we just KNEW! It was so clear, and then everything worked so quickly! We are on the 4th floor of 16. It is close enough that we can take the stairs, or wait for the elevator when we come home from the store with all our stuff!

 Here are some photos: 

Outside

 

 Our living room Before and After!

 Our Guest Bedroom. The rest of the rooms are still awaiting their furniture deliveries!

 Our Kitchen

 The view from outside our windows

 Our little park complete with music note benches!

Our playground!

Ryan cleaning the floor. I like the jump prints made by the dirt on his feet!

Without Grumbling...

Some days I like to blog because something amazing has happened, or I had a cool insight... just for fun or something insightful God is teaching me. Today I am blogging to remind myself of whats really important and to remember that its NOT about me...

Ryan and I moved to our new city and we are TOTALLY in LOVE! Its such a great place to find just about anything, and there is no lack of people anywhere you go! We found a great little place on the 4th floor of a 16 floor apartment building. It is on a cute little street that is walking distance from a few malls and outdoor markets. These last few weeks have been filled with goodbye's of our friends in our city where we have been learning language... and then figuring out a whole new city. Most of the exploring has been on our own since we know the language well and can find our way around without help. We have really enjoyed being with each other and shopping for all the things to fill our house with together. We have also enjoyed the times that we have gotten to spend with out teammates in the city as well.

This week we have spent lots of time waiting around trying to get our house set up. I really dislike waiting... so does Ryan, but we do what we have to do. Several days he has had to just stay home waiting on a delivery of a fridge or couch, or for the internet guys to come set up our connection. Our kitchen had no cabinet or anything when we moved in, so our landlord said he would get them put in for us. I understood that they were going to make them be pretty awesome like some I saw in the stores or other peoples homes. We have waiting all week, not putting anything out in the kitchen yet (which has been hard for me!) and when they started putting in the cabinets, it was all I could do to not cry in disappointment. The workers were supposed to do all the work and just install them in a few hours. But these guys have been here for two days, coming in around 10am and staying until 10pm (with a lunch and nap break). It has made it hard on us. We cannot both go out and leave them here working, so Ryan has let me go out some and get some groceries. But in spite of the cabinets not being what I hoped, they will work... I just keep reminding myself that it is not about a kitchen being set up perfect or a house that has everything just right.... its about serving our King. We really love our house, but when you can't set anything up yet, it is hard. Everything is covered in concrete dust from the installation of the cabinets and the bed for our room and our dining room table is not being delivered until the end of the month. It really is not the big things that knock you down, it is the little things... the things that just don't work like you think that they should that make you get frustrated and upset. So I have been fighting the frustration and anxiety all weekend. I should be excited that I get any cabinets at all! My kitchen that is far less modern than I expected, but it will work... I want it to be used for the glory of God, and really the most important part is serving HIM, not how cool everything works. Ryan and I were reading this morning and talking through Philippians 2:1-18. The part that really struck me was about no grumbling. This is hard. In a culture where things do not work like you plan, or even the way or the time they tell you, but the Word says, "No grumbling." If we do this, we will shine as lights in a dark world. And our world sure is dark and in desperate need of the LIGHT. Verse 17, "even if I am poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice of service... I rejoice." I think I feel the strain of being poured out like a drink offering... but we are told to rejoice. I then looked back up to verse 13, "It is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good pleasure." As I help a cup of coffee in my hand, it hit me. ... I get used, poured out... and then it is GOD who works IN ME. He refills me anytime I ask him to! He pours His goodness and grace into me so I can share that with others. I have been filled with HIS spirit... and I have a choice. I can choose to keep it all to myself, and sit there, full. OR I can let Him pour me out for HIS glory and let HIS goodness not stay in one place. Today I felt like I was poured out and empty. And He gently reminded me that I need to stay in HIS presence so he can constantly keep me filled. Instead of becoming lukewarm coffee on the counter, I have the giver of all Life who refills my cup everyday... and not just filled, but OVERFLOWING! (Psalm 23:5)

Christmas FUN!

Seriously, I can't stop laughing about this picture! We are at a big mall and I was pretty excited about the Christmas decorations! Then we saw the Santa... creepy mask and all...These I have seen before, but the elves... wow! These guy came up and asked us in very low voices, "Hey... what country you from?"
Ryan and I were amazed by the fact that they were employing actual dwarfs as the elves... but, you know, anything goes in over here! We got our laughing quota for the day...