Monday, January 1, 2018


As we start out a new year, I was thinking of where God has brought us in the last one. It brought changes that altered my projected plan, and even though there were far less hospitalizations then 2016, it had its share of trying days. We packed up our life in India, the place I loved (and yet also found impossible at times), the place where our family had made a home. After time in the US, we left the convenience of Kroger, Target, and Mothers Day Out and moved to an amazing place to start life in the next season. We made some new friends and found a church, figured out the best grocery stores, got a dog, and overall started to make home here. Yet in the moments of quiet, I found my heart anxious and struggling to find my purpose here. Starting home school with the boys has been more of challenge than I first imagined. I think because I am so idealistic I thought we would all sit around just loving to learn all day and the boys would be so excited to learn to read, they would beg me to start school everyday. Not so much. Being a hopeful Idealist (aka dreamer) has its advantages and struggles... As I try to not worry about how to do life here in the desert, if my kids are going to turn out ok, or what my role is and how to support my family and point others to Jesus, I listened to a new Nichole Nordeman song and the Lord used the words to draw to me to Him in a deep way. Abby Grace and I were headed to the grocery store and tears started to pour as the Lord spoke so clearly over me, "Hush, Hush. You don't have to have the answers. I will gather all the branches, I will light a fire for you, rest your head till you've had rest enough. Hush, now Hush." Another line says, "I love you in the scorching sun, one cup of water at a time, til you remember that you are mine, I'll love you back together." The picture in my mind was so clear of me helping Abby Grace to sleep at night. She has been going through a season of crying and just really not liking the night time and I sing over her to calm her and gently tell her to hush. As their mother, I want my kids to trust that I will take care of them and they don't need to worry. I know that the morning dawns after even the longest, darkest night. I know I will be there to pick her up after nursery, I know he does not need to eat so fast because there will be enough food for everyone at the table, I know who God says he is even though peers might call him hurtful words... And if an imperfect mother like me knows that I will take care of my kids even though they can't see the end yet, how much more is the perfect, Heavenly Father able to assure me to Hush and trust that He has the answers. He sees me and He knows what lies ahead and will be with me every step of the way. Giving me rest, a cup of water along the dry hot road, and He will put the pieces of my wounded heart back together with His love in a way that only the perfect Father can. And in the most gentle, loving voice that ever was, I hear the call to just be still and know that He is God and to trust that He knows what He is doing and what lies ahead. Morning will dawn after the darkest night, He will never leave me even when my actions are anything be admirable, He will provide what we need and when we know WHOSE we are, we find out our purpose and why we are here. Only He already knows what this next year will hold, but I am excited to see what He wants to do with us and how He will spread His kingdom.

Isaiah 43:19 See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
    and streams in the wasteland.

3 years old!

(this should have been posted in August, but life hit and I totally forgot to post it!)
My baby girl is still baby size, but man is she growing up fast. Since moving to this part of the world, she has potty trained herself, adds to her vocabulary seemingly daily, learned her colors and counting, swims fearlessly (with a floatie, but she wants to go without and I dare say she will be swimming like a pro soon!), and has deepened her love for her family. She keeps up with her brothers and stands up for herself. She has started doing preschool at home while I work with the boys in Kindergarten and she keeps up with alot that they are doing. She has improved health wise in so many ways as well. We have been to seen the cardiologist here several times just for check ups. Last week at the check up, they said her pulmonary pressures were normal. WHOA! So we knew she had severe pulmonary hypertension when we picked her up, and we hoped it would not be as bad as it appeared (which it was as bad or worse than we feared!) or that it would reverse after heart surgery. It lowered, but not to a point that the Cardiologist would call it reversed. Until now. She has been on medicine for over a year, and her surgery was over a year ago as well. After lots of prayer and I know the healing hand of our God, here she is... weaning off of the medicine! We want to wean it slowly, but seriously, how amazing is our God! I could just hardly believe it... The cardiologist said she needed to grow and as she grew the pressures would lessen and her hypertension would reverse. So even though she still seems so little, she is growing and all the things that we cannot see on the inside are growing as well.

As we celebrated her birthday, I can't help but think about her birth mother and pray that she has a chance to hear about our great God. I pray that she finds peace in her choice to let AG become a Rainbolt and that she somehow knows that her precious daughter is cherished, cared for, and given a chance to live a long life. If she had not been able to get the surgery, her life expectancy would have been much shorter... Dr's that hear her story and see her file have said things like, "You guys saved her life" and I can't take any of the credit, ALL the praise goes to the ONLY one who did the actually saving of her life, protecting her through the months waiting on surgery in a cold orphanage, struggling with multiple bouts with pneumonia because they had no idea of her swallow issues. He has even brought her through the months of therapy and is healing her from the inside in a way that I could not fix. What a Joy to be Momma to such a cutie who is kind and helpful in our home. I love that God chose us to raise her and teach her in the way that she should go. She always tells me, "I will be your best friend forever, momma" I know it will not always be perfect, but I will always let her be my best friend. 

Sunday, June 11, 2017

The house hunt

Life on this side of the world is always a new adventure and part of the "fun" in finding out how things work. Getting a lease on a house here is different than the other places we have lived so it took some time to get everything set so we were able to look at houses and rent one. One of the things I LOVE about my husband is that it is a GO-getter! If he can get it done, he will. This also means that he makes decisions at lightning speed, so most of the time I just try to keep up. With the choice of the house, I knew I needed to think through what I felt our family needed and be able to express it to Ryan so that we did not regret our house selection. We started by looking on an app that has houses for rent. So convenient to look online and put up filters for the neighborhoods and amenities you want. I found a long list of possibilities and one Friday (which is like Sunday here) we started calling, not thinking that anyone would really answer or show us houses. The first few did not answer, but then one guy answered. He said it would meet us at the house in half an hour. We have planned on having a friend watch the kids while we house hunted, but with such short notice we just decided to take them with us. The first house was amazing and just what I had pictured from the pictures on the app. The pool out the window sold the kids on it, but Ryan had a few reservations. The real estate guy said, "I will show you one more" and we said sure and packed up the kids in the car. After the next house, he said again, "I will show you one more." We kept going to houses and stopped believing him that he would show us "one more." Ryan found one that he loved, but I had reservations about it. I just felt like when it was the right one we would both know. At the 7th house of the day, we found it. By this time we were not even getting the kids out the car, but leaving them in the AC and taking turns going in and checking out the house. At this house, we fell for the open space in the living room and big kitchen, but most of all, the GRASS in the backyard. Its a shared yard with a pool behind a fence and a mini gym we can use. The boys will love having friends that share the yard with us. They make friends fast. It is also in a great neighborhood where several people from our new church live near and we have found great grocery stores and South Asian stores near by as well. There is a big park nearby with a great playground and walking track. Planes also pass right overhead while playing at the park and all three of my boys get excited to see big planes so close. We already tried out the pool one evening and we are so excited to get the power turned on so we can move in! We also had a couple that was moving countries so we bought their stuff... so instead of having to shop for everything and then put it together... (we love IKEA, but it takes effort) we have a group of movers that sets it up for us! We actually get the stuff Tuesday afternoon, and then leave on Thursday for Thailand, so I am so grateful that we get IN to the house before we go. Originally we had no idea how long the process of the visa and then house hunting would be and we were afraid that we would leave for Thailand and have to wait til we came back to finalize a place. We will  post pictures of the house when we get moved in!

Josiah with the pile of suitcases.
Outside view of our villa and pool.
The walking track with a plane passing.
The parks play area. 

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

One year Post Surgery

Exactly one year ago, we kissed our sweet baby girl and told her see her soon and watched the doctors push her into the operating room. It was hard, but it made me so grateful to know that the one who guided the surgeons hands had held my baby girl's heart since before she was born. We sat in the waiting room not sure about what to do with ourselves. My amazing coworkers from India had written me cards that were to be read on Abby Grace's surgery day. I knew the surgery should take 5-8 hours so I planned out how many cards I could open per hour so I scheduled them for encouragement throughout the day. We had several people stop by to pray with us and help us not worry. It really was a day that I can look back and see how truly God is in control and in our moments of greatest need, He gives us more. As I opened the note from my sweet friend, the first tears of that day streamed down my face, I was amazed at how her words, written over a month before, thousands of miles away could touch my heart in such a deep way. It was a reminder that we are not in this life alone, but as believers, we are family. We support each other in joys and in trials. I love that sometimes, ignorance is bliss... A surgical nurse would come give an update every few hours and when they came back and said, "She is off bypass and doing great. She will coming to ICU soon" we figured that the worst was over and we thanked the Lord for his work in her heart. We waited and waited. We had no idea how long of a time frame it would be from closing up to wheeling her in to where we could see her. Finally, the nurse came back again and said that after the surgeon took her off bypass, he thought he should put a bigger patch on the VSD and so he put her back on bypass and put a bigger patch on it. When the surgeon was finally done, he came to see us and tell us how it went. He said it was the biggest hole he had ever patched. He said something had just made him want to go back in and add a bigger patch even though it was not easy. I told him that we had so many people that had been praying that he would be guided and would know just what to do and that God had used his hands to go back in and patch up that hole and Abby Grace's life would forever be better because of his wisdom and use of skill.
Our God is so great, and so amazing to give us such good gifts, and even on what could have been one of the worst days, we found hope and joy and did not need to dwell in fear or sadness. Then I thought about how life was going to change for this little girl. I am so humbled to be THIS special girl's momma. All of a sudden the closets were full of dresses, pink bows, baby dolls, as well as medical supplies. The first weeks of carrying her around with an oxygen tank were hard but it became normal. I joked that since I already had carried around twins for years, it was no big deal to have a baby on one arm and a oxygen tank hanging on the other. And she got better so quickly. Before, when we were in the hospital, all the dr.'s and medical students would come listen to her heart to hear such a unique heart beat. It was called the "absence of silence" because so much blood was going the wrong way, whooshing through the large hole in her heart into the lungs with every heartbeat. Now she has a normal heartbeat. Its just amazing. Pretty much anything that has happened with this girl is nothing short of a miracle. When I see her running, jumping, swimming, laughing, and even screaming, I think about where she was before, unable to walk or cry for very long because it took so much out of her to get upset. Our first weeks in China, she would point to her bed and imply she wanted a nap or to go to bed because living life was extra exhausting for her. Now she is like a energizer bunny that keeps going and going and would be fine skipping naps and gets sad when its bedtime.
I am so grateful for the lessons learned in this last year, and for the life altering choice to bring Abby Grace in our family. I would not have it any other way! One look at her little smile and I melt, even more in love with her and the one who saw fit to create her, and who has made her heart whole again. God deserves all the praise for His work in her life, and also in mine. He has made me realize my own dependence on Him and my smallness in light of all He is. He is sovereign over us, giving us strength within our sorrow and brings beauty from our tears. I am so thankful for the lessons learned in the valley, and I would not wish them away for a million mountain top experiences.

Saturday, May 6, 2017

one week in the desert!

Its been one week since we arrive at the beautiful urban desert. We have been blessed to have a nice two bedroom furnished apartment to sort of settle into as we wait for a permanent visa. The kids were amazing flyers and we had no issues coming over. We arrived at 11:30 at night and took a taxi to our place and slept until morning. Black out curtains are amazing and have helped the kids sleep until 8 most mornings. To help avoid jet lag, I keep the kids busy, lots of sunshine and playing, and no nap for the most part. It has really worked and our nights are full of sleep, but now I am afraid Abby Grace thinks this no nap in the day thing is great... one step at a time.

We have a small kitchen in our place so I have been learning where to get the things I need to cook. Thankfully, there are several grocery stores within walking distance and even one so close I can run down get the one thing I need and back up in 5 minutes. Fruits and vegetables are pretty cheap here so we have lots of fresh items for snacks and I love giving them real fruit instead of fruit snacks! We have a stove but not an oven, which is not a big deal, until I start cooking and realize my recipe calls for 350 for 30 minutes... but its amazing what you can improvise on the stove top! We have taken the metro, gone to the highest tower in the world, and explored several malls. There is so much more of this city to discover. Ryan figured out how to rent a car, (taxi's were so expensive, and we will learn the city quicker driving ourselves) so we have a cute little sedan. Traffic here is so different than what I am used to (its a far cry from small town Arkansas and lots more rules than the Indian roads) but we are learning our way around. I even drove us to IKEA which is only about 15 minutes, but I felt so accomplished.

One thing that really excited me was seeing people from all over the world living here. The neighborhood we are staying in has mostly South Asians, and as I pass people, I understand the conversations (and they have no idea I know Hindi) and the grocery stores sell the familiar brands from India. There are also people from Africa, other parts of Asia and lots from Europe and Australia as well. We have visited a church that has people from all over the world. I realized as I was talking with a sweet family from China that as we live and work here, my children that have come from different parts of the globe will have the unique opportunity to have mirrors of people that look like them. I love them deeply and can teach them about living right, following the Lord, all the things they need academically... but I have never been an African man, or a Chinese woman... And here are people worshiping the lord alongside us that could be a mirror for our kids. This is a huge gift and I thank the Lord for giving us this opportunity to live here in this season and to pour into the lives of the people we come in contact with. There were three African men who high fived the children, and their class seemed to have light skinned kids as the minority. The Chinese family we met home schools and has a son my boys age and she really wants to meet up and talk through how to help the kids learn well even with short attention spans. I told her I am in the same boat, but we can learn to paddle together and find ways to learn through play and let the kindergarten year be a year we teach them to love to learn.

We hope to find a more permanent place hopefully by July, but for now, we will enjoy this cute little space. We head to India in a few weeks to get out stuff from there and see our friends again! So excited to see them!

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

It's just a year-

The last year has been a bit odd. Last year at this time we were planning the boys birthday party, buying flights to China, gathering up girl clothes and toys, and preparing our house to leave for a few months. We really had no idea what the next months held for us. We figured we would come to America, get her surgery done and go back to India in 2 months or so. That was not exactly what the Lord had for us. We knew when there was a swallow issue, that it was not going to be as quick as a surgery recovery. We ended up in Benton (45 min from my parents house, where we were staying) because that's where they did the therapy she needed. The same week her therapy started a house opened up 5 min from therapy, so we moved there. I wanted to go back to Arkadelphia to my parents church every weekend. It was the church I grew up in and I wanted stability. We did it for a while, but one weekend we decided to try a church here. That's when things started to look up.

We knew we were here just for a short time, so why did we get involved in a church? Why did we make friends and allow the relationships to get deep? I know how hard goodbyes are, and the more intimate you befriend people, the more you do life with them, the harder it is for you to go- and for your friends who are staying. But we did. We dove in headfirst. We sang in the choir, we went to church every time the door was open, we visited home bound, we ate in homes, drank coffee together, we had play dates with our kids. We soul searched and laughed together. We held each other accountable and talked about fears and struggles. We loved deeply. And now its going to be hard to leave. So why did we make it harder on ourselves? Because we love community. We know the importance of being not just a follower of Christ, but a disciple maker and that takes time and energy and investment. It involves laughing and crying together, being there in joys and fears, and loving people in the midst of their muck. (which also means YOU are loved just for who you are, warts and all) I love community in that whenever someone comes to a community they not only bring something new, but they change the atmosphere of the original community. And the person that choose to open up and invest not only changes the community they were involved in, but they never leave the same. We touch each other in so many ways, and if we had chosen to stay just in the relationships of people that we knew and kept new people at arms length- knowing the pain of goodbyes all to keenly- what joys we would have missed out on. I said the other day that my new friends ruined me. I realized that even my sense of style and color theme I am designing for our new house in our new city in my head has changed to use colors I did not like before! That is what can happen on the inside spiritually too. We can see the spirit moving in new ways as we see people using their different gifts for Him and it challenges us to want to use our talents and gifts for Him too. I can't even imagine how I would have gotten through the past months without my friends and community here. They validated my feelings of discontent and frustrations of not knowing where we would live next or how long we would be here... but they did not let me stay in the place of discouragement or frustration. They gave me hope that God had not forgotten us and that in His time we would see His plan and until then, we walk by faith with what we know to do.

I challenge you to seek out the people who are going to be around even for a season and love on them. It made all the difference in our lives as we have been in transition. Open up and let them feel invited even though you know it will be harder when they leave if you do. If you are a transitional person, let yourself be vulnerable and go ahead and make friends and do more than just get by until life is "normal" again. The quality of your time in a waiting season or transition can be determined by your relationships- with God and with His people, and those who He wants to be His people. So get our there and put your investment in the things with eternal value!

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

prayers for a birth mother

This is the week of Abby Grace's 2nd birthday! I am so proud of how she is catching on to so many things, and how her language, all kinds of motor skills and eating has been improving, and it's exciting to celebrate her. But as I plan how to decorate a Hello Kitty cake and cute birthday banners, I can't help but think about her birth mom in China. We know nothing about her, except that she loved her enough to put her in a place where she would be cared for and could find a forever family. The only thing that was left on her other than clothes was a note that had her birthday written on it. Unlike our boys whose birthdays are a guess, we know for certain that her birthday is August 16. Which also leads me to believe that her birth mom will remember this date. I cannot even fathom the emotions that might be associated with this date for her. The loss and sacrifice that she experienced is nothing I have a frame of reference for... But I have a love that is deep for the baby that she carried for those months. She did something so brave and loving by birthing her and caring for her for a few months before she had to make what I believe would be the hardest choice- to bring her to an orphanage. She may not even know if her precious baby survived since she obviously had some physical issues (like a need for heart surgery) and she may have just not been able to provide the care that she needed or had to money for medical procedures. I wish I could let her know that Abby Grace is doing amazing, and her smiles can bring joy to anyone who cares to look at her. I wish she could know that she made it to 2 years old... and because of the surgery, and the way that God is healing her from the inside out, she can live a long life. I wish she knew about how she has a lovely set of brothers who adore her and a daddy who thinks she hung the moon, and a momma who would do anything to protect her. I wish she could know how her choice of life for Abby Grace changed our lives in SO many ways. Having a daughter is amazing and as much as I love my boys, this girl has my heart in a different way. Going through all the struggles of surgery and hospitals has been stretching and challenging, but we see God's hand in all of it. And I get to be the one who celebrates her birthdays, development milestones and enjoy her smiles everyday. Her laugh is crazy cute and she snuggles up on my shoulder when she hugs me. She loves to give kisses and plays ring around the rosy like a pro (thanks to her brothers!) This girl with the sparkly black eyes, hands that long to hold yours, who loves purses, shoes and hairbows, and a smile that lights up a room- she calls me Momma.  I look into the precious eyes of all my three littles and I seriously cannot believe that I get to be their Mom- that they run to me with joy when I pick them up from church, and who snuggle with me first thing every morning. They cry for me when they are sad, sick or scared and sometimes, a Momma hug is all that they need. I seriously LOVE adoption and the beautiful picture of God's grace that it can show to the world. Adoption is about a family that is grafted together that might never had existed, but God uses to strengthen all those in the family. As much as it is about togetherness and love, it is about loss and heartache. Tears come to my eyes as I held Abby Grace before bed and prayed out loud for her birth mother who might be about to get up on the day that she most likely will remember as one of the hardest of her life. I pray that she would not only find peace that she did what she could for Abby Grace and that she is well cared for now, but that even more important she would know about the God who created her and who loves her enough to give His son on her behalf.