tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59420589207792745512024-03-06T12:17:04.529+05:30observations of an adventurerthatcoffeegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05335429921379940374noreply@blogger.comBlogger74125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5942058920779274551.post-73732015740222064302020-08-16T23:39:00.002+05:302020-08-16T23:39:10.962+05:30Abby Grace is 6!!!<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVMmC0Vr_qYe7IIX10duJrqAkM6a-n20eLrg5AGs-wvJlIdEBLjvigeGmr-m7WdN1qZ6H9iUcJHOnYg6U5fq8AE4CfUF0tmgTHG2pKryQgCT5ynlv92OQSd4dPENJi9qY53kZf93d0ozg/s2048/DF1C6666-61FE-4AFC-B697-39CEF8393D1E.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVMmC0Vr_qYe7IIX10duJrqAkM6a-n20eLrg5AGs-wvJlIdEBLjvigeGmr-m7WdN1qZ6H9iUcJHOnYg6U5fq8AE4CfUF0tmgTHG2pKryQgCT5ynlv92OQSd4dPENJi9qY53kZf93d0ozg/s640/DF1C6666-61FE-4AFC-B697-39CEF8393D1E.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; 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text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGOTylQnQzGnJ9r1IwSBRoVzgCQduxuC00XrEpWKvCuQdVcDpivSJ662tu-LXg_iJ_jW65rgOPhpvPdGpTZgQs_D0DGPkUYeBfEi0WE6Ee4oJZuolW2dGcI1SNan8vxTEpr-QYQaw7cS0/s2048/DEC35F75-65A4-417E-9C1C-262E396BBB25.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGOTylQnQzGnJ9r1IwSBRoVzgCQduxuC00XrEpWKvCuQdVcDpivSJ662tu-LXg_iJ_jW65rgOPhpvPdGpTZgQs_D0DGPkUYeBfEi0WE6Ee4oJZuolW2dGcI1SNan8vxTEpr-QYQaw7cS0/s640/DEC35F75-65A4-417E-9C1C-262E396BBB25.jpeg" /></a></div> Here it is again... August 16. My baby girls birthday. I always spend this day in awe of the sweet gift of God that this girly is to us but also with the tension of knowing there is a mother out there that may also be thinking about that girl. I wonder if she thinks about how big she might be and if she sees other 6 year olds and wonders if her girl was that big yet. Does she wonder if she has her same hair or dimples, or if she prefers baby dolls or superheros? Does she wear dresses everyday or athletic shorts? Would she prefer to sing or play basketball? In a perfect world, this mother gin China would have never had to wonder these things since families would always stay together, but that would also mean that my home would also be filled with kids who shared my need for sunscreen and Daddy’s eye color. A perfect world would mean there is no need for adoption, because Families would never have a cause to be separated, and there would be no infertility and the grief that comes with that. But we are not in a perfect world, but one that is broken. This year (2020) especially we feel the broken places and wonder how long Lord Jesus?... but we know that He is the creator of life and he longs for us to abide in Him. When we do, He will abide in us and He will heal our broken places when we allow Him. There will be scars from the struggles and broken places, but they will speak of His goodness, how He takes care of His children, to the world who is desperate to find the truth and for that to set them free. Healing takes time and we are all on a journey to freedom- some days going easier than others. The scars our family has healed through have not been easy but as we press on I can see that even when He does not answer my prayers in the way I hoped or give us the quick easy fix to an issue, we can see His mercy to walk along side us on the jounrey and we can trust that He will never leave or forsake us. <p></p><p>My heart is filled to the brim with love for this 6 year old girl. She gives the best hugs and her giggles are amazing. She lifts my heart and gives me courage like no one has before. She makes me want to be more brave- to seek to be more like Jesus so I can be the kind of mother that this strong, kind girl needs. The way she loves her brothers so strongly is so precious and in the rare moments we are not together, they are thrilled to be with each other again. If I run out to he store without her, she acts like I had been gone forever when I get home and she runs to be with me as fast as she can. She can help with chores and is starting to read and write better everyday. She swims like she is part mermaid and can put away some rice or noodles. ( or a whole plate of IKEA meatballs) </p><p>Abby Grace, there is no other girl in the world I would rather be Mother to than you, sweet girl with a big smile. I want you to know that I will always love you and will alway support you as you heal through the broken places, we will cry through the pain and celebrate the victories as we journey towards healing and that he stories our scars tell will draw people to Jesus. He is the only one you need to give you true joy in this broken world, and I pray you will see more and more the depth of His love for you. I love you to the moon and back, and amazingly and Jesus loves you even more!</p><p><br /></p>thatcoffeegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05335429921379940374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5942058920779274551.post-81000675901613789162018-08-16T16:10:00.000+05:302018-08-17T11:14:52.762+05:304 year old girl<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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It is that time of year already... Abby Grace's birthday! We are spending the summer in India and are able to meet up with so many of our old friends and the kids are thriving. We had a fabulous Peppa Pig birthday party with so many friends and food and games. Even Hunny (my mom) was crazy enough to come visit for a few days and experienced the "fun" of 15+ kids in a small apartment. It was pouring rain outside, but thankfully we had fun indoor things to do since we could not play out at the playground. Abby Grace loved having all her friends over and eating a Muddy Puddle birthday cake while we sat in pretend muddle puddles on the floor and I read them the Peppa Pig birthday story book.<br />
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This little girl is amazing. She is growing so fast in so many ways, yet she still seems so small sometimes. She has joy that radiates from her smile and she loves to cuddle. She has been a mommas girl since day one, and she is really getting into the fun of games and coloring and reading books. She loves to play pretend with her babies and her play kitchen and food. She listens to read alouds with her brothers and is almost as much into Narnia as they are. She eats just about anything we put in front of her and is totally finished with any therapy and it's amazing to see how far she has come and how her life shows the power of God to heal. She loves animals especially dogs and cats that she can pet. She wants to keep up with brothers in all things. Swimming almost everyday has helped her become an amazing swimmer. She is a great traveler and easily adapts to new places. She all of a sudden decided that she only needs on foot on each step and she is the bravest kid I have ever seen. She loves Gymnastics class and can do forward rolls and flips really well, but her favorite part is the balance beam. She loves to jump on the trampoline and never wants to be left out of anything that momma could need help with. 3 has been a great age but I am sure this 4 year old will bring such fun to our house.<br />
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Her birthday celebrations makes me think of the amazingly strong woman in China who physically birthed my little wonder girl and my heart aches for her to know the truth of God who loves her and would do anything to bring her into his family. Since she left the note with Abby Grace's birthday, I feel strongly that she is going to remember this date and mostly likely she would be wondering where her baby girl is, if she was able to survive through surgery and live a normal life (which she is!) I wonder if she thinks, "Does she has a family that loves her? Does she has siblings? What does she like to play? What does she like to eat?" I wonder if Abby Grace has her eyes, or if her tiny frame is from the hard start in life that she had, or is she genenticly thin and may never be on an American growth chart. So many questions about medical history and physical features will have to wait since we have no way of answering them. Adoption is full of so many blessings, but some questions without answers and issues without the known root of the problem add to the complexity of family. But what a JOY this little girl (and her brothers) bring to our family! We love you baby girl and love that you are such an important part of our family and we are so glad that God made you a Rainbolt.</div>
thatcoffeegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05335429921379940374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5942058920779274551.post-53143352801240430442018-01-01T20:58:00.000+05:302018-01-01T21:02:02.160+05:30Hush.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">As we start out a new year, I was thinking of where God has brought us in the last one. It brought changes that altered my projected plan, and even though there were far less hospitalizations then 2016, it had its share of trying days. We packed up our life in India, the place I loved (and yet also found impossible at times), the place where our family had made a home. After time in the US, we left the convenience of Kroger, Target, and Mothers Day Out and moved to an amazing place to start life in the next season. We made some new friends and found a church, figured out the best grocery stores, got a dog, and overall started to make home here. Yet in the moments of quiet, I found my heart anxious and struggling to find my purpose here. Starting home school with the boys has been more of challenge than I first imagined. I think because I am so idealistic I thought we would all sit around just loving to learn all day and the boys would be so excited to learn to read, they would beg me to start school everyday. Not so much. Being a hopeful Idealist (aka dreamer) has its advantages and struggles... As I try to not worry about how to do life here in the desert, if my kids are going to turn out ok, or what my role is and how to support my family and point others to Jesus, I listened to a new Nichole Nordeman song and the Lord used the words to draw to me to Him in a deep way. Abby Grace and I were headed to the grocery store and tears started to pour as the Lord spoke so clearly over me, "Hush, Hush. You don't have to have the answers. I will gather all the branches, I will light a fire for you, rest your head till you've had rest enough. Hush, now Hush." Another line says, "I love you in the scorching sun, one cup of water at a time, til you remember that you are mine, I'll love you back together." The picture in my mind was so clear of me helping Abby Grace to sleep at night. She has been going through a season of crying and just really not liking the night time and I sing over her to calm her and gently tell her to hush. As their mother, I want my kids to trust that I will take care of them and they don't need to worry. I know that the morning dawns after even the longest, darkest night. I know I will be there to pick her up after nursery, I know he does not need to eat so fast because there will be enough food for everyone at the table, I know who God says he is even though peers might call him hurtful words... And if an imperfect mother like me knows that I will take care of my kids even though they can't see the end yet, how much more is the perfect, Heavenly Father able to assure me to Hush and trust that He has the answers. He sees me and He knows what lies ahead and will be with me every step of the way. Giving me rest, a cup of water along the dry hot road, and He will put the pieces of my wounded heart back together with His love in a way that only the perfect Father can. And in the most gentle, loving voice that ever was, I hear the call to just be still and know that He is God and to trust that He knows what He is doing and what lies ahead. Morning will dawn after the darkest night, He will never leave me even when my actions are anything be admirable, He will provide what we need and when we know WHOSE we are, we find out our purpose and why we are here. Only He already knows what this next year will hold, but I am excited to see what He wants to do with us and how He will spread His kingdom.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="text Isa-43-19" id="en-NIV-18525" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">Isaiah 43:19 See, I am doing a new thing!<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-18525A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18525A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;" /><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Isa-43-19" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?</span></span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;" /><span class="text Isa-43-19" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">I am making a way in the wilderness<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-18525B" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18525B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;" /><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Isa-43-19" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">and streams in the wasteland.</span></span></span><br />
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thatcoffeegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05335429921379940374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5942058920779274551.post-52649749946794956542018-01-01T20:57:00.004+05:302018-01-01T20:57:52.396+05:303 years old!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
(this should have been posted in August, but life hit and I totally forgot to post it!)<br />
My baby girl is still baby size, but man is she growing up fast. Since moving to this part of the world, she has potty trained herself, adds to her vocabulary seemingly daily, learned her colors and counting, swims fearlessly (with a floatie, but she wants to go without and I dare say she will be swimming like a pro soon!), and has deepened her love for her family. She keeps up with her brothers and stands up for herself. She has started doing preschool at home while I work with the boys in Kindergarten and she keeps up with alot that they are doing. She has improved health wise in so many ways as well. We have been to seen the cardiologist here several times just for check ups. Last week at the check up, they said her pulmonary pressures were normal. WHOA! So we knew she had severe pulmonary hypertension when we picked her up, and we hoped it would not be as bad as it appeared (which it was as bad or worse than we feared!) or that it would reverse after heart surgery. It lowered, but not to a point that the Cardiologist would call it reversed. Until now. She has been on medicine for over a year, and her surgery was over a year ago as well. After lots of prayer and I know the healing hand of our God, here she is... weaning off of the medicine! We want to wean it slowly, but seriously, how amazing is our God! I could just hardly believe it... The cardiologist said she needed to grow and as she grew the pressures would lessen and her hypertension would reverse. So even though she still seems so little, she is growing and all the things that we cannot see on the inside are growing as well.<br />
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As we celebrated her birthday, I can't help but think about her birth mother and pray that she has a chance to hear about our great God. I pray that she finds peace in her choice to let AG become a Rainbolt and that she somehow knows that her precious daughter is cherished, cared for, and given a chance to live a long life. If she had not been able to get the surgery, her life expectancy would have been much shorter... Dr's that hear her story and see her file have said things like, "You guys saved her life" and I can't take any of the credit, ALL the praise goes to the ONLY one who did the actually saving of her life, protecting her through the months waiting on surgery in a cold orphanage, struggling with multiple bouts with pneumonia because they had no idea of her swallow issues. He has even brought her through the months of therapy and is healing her from the inside in a way that I could not fix. What a Joy to be Momma to such a cutie who is kind and helpful in our home. I love that God chose us to raise her and teach her in the way that she should go. She always tells me, "I will be your best friend forever, momma" I know it will not always be perfect, but I will always let her be my best friend. </div>
thatcoffeegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05335429921379940374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5942058920779274551.post-38985950170187953272017-06-11T08:34:00.000+05:302017-06-11T08:34:28.273+05:30The house hunt<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Life on this side of the world is always a new adventure and part of the "fun" in finding out how things work. Getting a lease on a house here is different than the other places we have lived so it took some time to get everything set so we were able to look at houses and rent one. One of the things I LOVE about my husband is that it is a GO-getter! If he can get it done, he will. This also means that he makes decisions at lightning speed, so most of the time I just try to keep up. With the choice of the house, I knew I needed to think through what I felt our family needed and be able to express it to Ryan so that we did not regret our house selection. We started by looking on an app that has houses for rent. So convenient to look online and put up filters for the neighborhoods and amenities you want. I found a long list of possibilities and one Friday (which is like Sunday here) we started calling, not thinking that anyone would really answer or show us houses. The first few did not answer, but then one guy answered. He said it would meet us at the house in half an hour. We have planned on having a friend watch the kids while we house hunted, but with such short notice we just decided to take them with us. The first house was amazing and just what I had pictured from the pictures on the app. The pool out the window sold the kids on it, but Ryan had a few reservations. The real estate guy said, "I will show you one more" and we said sure and packed up the kids in the car. After the next house, he said again, "I will show you one more." We kept going to houses and stopped believing him that he would show us "one more." Ryan found one that he loved, but I had reservations about it. I just felt like when it was the right one we would both know. At the 7th house of the day, we found it. By this time we were not even getting the kids out the car, but leaving them in the AC and taking turns going in and checking out the house. At this house, we fell for the open space in the living room and big kitchen, but most of all, the GRASS in the backyard. Its a shared yard with a pool behind a fence and a mini gym we can use. The boys will love having friends that share the yard with us. They make friends fast. It is also in a great neighborhood where several people from our new church live near and we have found great grocery stores and South Asian stores near by as well. There is a big park nearby with a great playground and walking track. Planes also pass right overhead while playing at the park and all three of my boys get excited to see big planes so close. We already tried out the pool one evening and we are so excited to get the power turned on so we can move in! We also had a couple that was moving countries so we bought their stuff... so instead of having to shop for everything and then put it together... (we love IKEA, but it takes effort) we have a group of movers that sets it up for us! We actually get the stuff Tuesday afternoon, and then leave on Thursday for Thailand, so I am so grateful that we get IN to the house before we go. Originally we had no idea how long the process of the visa and then house hunting would be and we were afraid that we would leave for Thailand and have to wait til we came back to finalize a place. We will post pictures of the house when we get moved in!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Josiah with the pile of suitcases.</div>
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Outside view of our villa and pool.</div>
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The walking track with a plane passing.</div>
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The parks play area. </div>
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thatcoffeegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05335429921379940374noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5942058920779274551.post-15372594367999017342017-05-10T09:25:00.000+05:302017-05-10T09:25:26.589+05:30One year Post Surgery<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Exactly one year ago, we kissed our sweet baby girl and told her see her soon and watched the doctors push her into the operating room. It was hard, but it made me so grateful to know that the one who guided the surgeons hands had held my baby girl's heart since before she was born. We sat in the waiting room not sure about what to do with ourselves. My amazing coworkers from India had written me cards that were to be read on Abby Grace's surgery day. I knew the surgery should take 5-8 hours so I planned out how many cards I could open per hour so I scheduled them for encouragement throughout the day. We had several people stop by to pray with us and help us not worry. It really was a day that I can look back and see how truly God is in control and in our moments of greatest need, He gives us more. As I opened the note from my sweet friend, the first tears of that day streamed down my face, I was amazed at how her words, written over a month before, thousands of miles away could touch my heart in such a deep way. It was a reminder that we are not in this life alone, but as believers, we are family. We support each other in joys and in trials. I love that sometimes, ignorance is bliss... A surgical nurse would come give an update every few hours and when they came back and said, "She is off bypass and doing great. She will coming to ICU soon" we figured that the worst was over and we thanked the Lord for his work in her heart. We waited and waited. We had no idea how long of a time frame it would be from closing up to wheeling her in to where we could see her. Finally, the nurse came back again and said that after the surgeon took her off bypass, he thought he should put a bigger patch on the VSD and so he put her back on bypass and put a bigger patch on it. When the surgeon was finally done, he came to see us and tell us how it went. He said it was the biggest hole he had ever patched. He said something had just made him want to go back in and add a bigger patch even though it was not easy. I told him that we had so many people that had been praying that he would be guided and would know just what to do and that God had used his hands to go back in and patch up that hole and Abby Grace's life would forever be better because of his wisdom and use of skill.<br />
Our God is so great, and so amazing to give us such good gifts, and even on what could have been one of the worst days, we found hope and joy and did not need to dwell in fear or sadness. Then I thought about how life was going to change for this little girl. I am so humbled to be THIS special girl's momma. All of a sudden the closets were full of dresses, pink bows, baby dolls, as well as medical supplies. The first weeks of carrying her around with an oxygen tank were hard but it became normal. I joked that since I already had carried around twins for years, it was no big deal to have a baby on one arm and a oxygen tank hanging on the other. And she got better so quickly. Before, when we were in the hospital, all the dr.'s and medical students would come listen to her heart to hear such a unique heart beat. It was called the "absence of silence" because so much blood was going the wrong way, whooshing through the large hole in her heart into the lungs with every heartbeat. Now she has a normal heartbeat. Its just amazing. Pretty much anything that has happened with this girl is nothing short of a miracle. When I see her running, jumping, swimming, laughing, and even screaming, I think about where she was before, unable to walk or cry for very long because it took so much out of her to get upset. Our first weeks in China, she would point to her bed and imply she wanted a nap or to go to bed because living life was extra exhausting for her. Now she is like a energizer bunny that keeps going and going and would be fine skipping naps and gets sad when its bedtime.<br />
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I am so grateful for the lessons learned in this last year, and for the life altering choice to bring Abby Grace in our family. I would not have it any other way! One look at her little smile and I melt, even more in love with her and the one who saw fit to create her, and who has made her heart whole again. God deserves all the praise for His work in her life, and also in mine. He has made me realize my own dependence on Him and my smallness in light of all He is. He is sovereign over us, giving us strength within our sorrow and brings beauty from our tears. I am so thankful for the lessons learned in the valley, and I would not wish them away for a million mountain top experiences.<br />
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thatcoffeegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05335429921379940374noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5942058920779274551.post-37646828398069204332017-05-06T09:03:00.001+05:302017-05-09T08:59:00.121+05:30one week in the desert!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Its been one week since we arrive at the beautiful urban desert. We have been blessed to have a nice two bedroom furnished apartment to sort of settle into as we wait for a permanent visa. The kids were amazing flyers and we had no issues coming over. We arrived at 11:30 at night and took a taxi to our place and slept until morning. Black out curtains are amazing and have helped the kids sleep until 8 most mornings. To help avoid jet lag, I keep the kids busy, lots of sunshine and playing, and no nap for the most part. It has really worked and our nights are full of sleep, but now I am afraid Abby Grace thinks this no nap in the day thing is great... one step at a time.<br />
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We have a small kitchen in our place so I have been learning where to get the things I need to cook. Thankfully, there are several grocery stores within walking distance and even one so close I can run down get the one thing I need and back up in 5 minutes. Fruits and vegetables are pretty cheap here so we have lots of fresh items for snacks and I love giving them real fruit instead of fruit snacks! We have a stove but not an oven, which is not a big deal, until I start cooking and realize my recipe calls for 350 for 30 minutes... but its amazing what you can improvise on the stove top! We have taken the metro, gone to the highest tower in the world, and explored several malls. There is so much more of this city to discover. Ryan figured out how to rent a car, (taxi's were so expensive, and we will learn the city quicker driving ourselves) so we have a cute little sedan. Traffic here is so different than what I am used to (its a far cry from small town Arkansas and lots more rules than the Indian roads) but we are learning our way around. I even drove us to IKEA which is only about 15 minutes, but I felt so accomplished.<br />
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One thing that really excited me was seeing people from all over the world living here. The neighborhood we are staying in has mostly South Asians, and as I pass people, I understand the conversations (and they have no idea I know Hindi) and the grocery stores sell the familiar brands from India. There are also people from Africa, other parts of Asia and lots from Europe and Australia as well. We have visited a church that has people from all over the world. I realized as I was talking with a sweet family from China that as we live and work here, my children that have come from different parts of the globe will have the unique opportunity to have mirrors of people that look like them. I love them deeply and can teach them about living right, following the Lord, all the things they need academically... but I have never been an African man, or a Chinese woman... And here are people worshiping the lord alongside us that could be a mirror for our kids. This is a huge gift and I thank the Lord for giving us this opportunity to live here in this season and to pour into the lives of the people we come in contact with. There were three African men who high fived the children, and their class seemed to have light skinned kids as the minority. The Chinese family we met home schools and has a son my boys age and she really wants to meet up and talk through how to help the kids learn well even with short attention spans. I told her I am in the same boat, but we can learn to paddle together and find ways to learn through play and let the kindergarten year be a year we teach them to love to learn.<br />
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We hope to find a more permanent place hopefully by July, but for now, we will enjoy this cute little space. We head to India in a few weeks to get out stuff from there and see our friends again! So excited to see them!<br />
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thatcoffeegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05335429921379940374noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5942058920779274551.post-17521961617728246532017-03-21T19:21:00.000+05:302017-03-21T19:34:23.735+05:30It's just a year- <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
The last year has been a bit odd. Last year at this time we were planning the boys birthday party, buying flights to China, gathering up girl clothes and toys, and preparing our house to leave for a few months. We really had no idea what the next months held for us. We figured we would come to America, get her surgery done and go back to India in 2 months or so. That was not exactly what the Lord had for us. We knew when there was a swallow issue, that it was not going to be as quick as a surgery recovery. We ended up in Benton (45 min from my parents house, where we were staying) because that's where they did the therapy she needed. The same week her therapy started a house opened up 5 min from therapy, so we moved there. I wanted to go back to Arkadelphia to my parents church every weekend. It was the church I grew up in and I wanted stability. We did it for a while, but one weekend we decided to try a church here. That's when things started to look up.<br />
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We knew we were here just for a short time, so why did we get involved in a church? Why did we make friends and allow the relationships to get deep? I know how hard goodbyes are, and the more intimate you befriend people, the more you do life with them, the harder it is for you to go- and for your friends who are staying. But we did. We dove in headfirst. We sang in the choir, we went to church every time the door was open, we visited home bound, we ate in homes, drank coffee together, we had play dates with our kids. We soul searched and laughed together. We held each other accountable and talked about fears and struggles. We loved deeply. And now its going to be hard to leave. So why did we make it harder on ourselves? Because we love community. We know the importance of being not just a follower of Christ, but a disciple maker and that takes time and energy and investment. It involves laughing and crying together, being there in joys and fears, and loving people in the midst of their muck. (which also means YOU are loved just for who you are, warts and all) I love community in that whenever someone comes to a community they not only bring something new, but they change the atmosphere of the original community. And the person that choose to open up and invest not only changes the community they were involved in, but they never leave the same. We touch each other in so many ways, and if we had chosen to stay just in the relationships of people that we knew and kept new people at arms length- knowing the pain of goodbyes all to keenly- what joys we would have missed out on. I said the other day that my new friends ruined me. I realized that even my sense of style and color theme I am designing for our new house in our new city in my head has changed to use colors I did not like before! That is what can happen on the inside spiritually too. We can see the spirit moving in new ways as we see people using their different gifts for Him and it challenges us to want to use our talents and gifts for Him too. I can't even imagine how I would have gotten through the past months without my friends and community here. They validated my feelings of discontent and frustrations of not knowing where we would live next or how long we would be here... but they did not let me stay in the place of discouragement or frustration. They gave me hope that God had not forgotten us and that in His time we would see His plan and until then, we walk by faith with what we know to do.<br />
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I challenge you to seek out the people who are going to be around even for a season and love on them. It made all the difference in our lives as we have been in transition. Open up and let them feel invited even though you know it will be harder when they leave if you do. If you are a transitional person, let yourself be vulnerable and go ahead and make friends and do more than just get by until life is "normal" again. The quality of your time in a waiting season or transition can be determined by your relationships- with God and with His people, and those who He wants to be His people. So get our there and put your investment in the things with eternal value!</div>
thatcoffeegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05335429921379940374noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5942058920779274551.post-35859156274060247722016-08-16T07:21:00.001+05:302016-08-16T09:18:38.790+05:30prayers for a birth mother<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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This is the week of Abby Grace's 2nd birthday! I am so proud of how she is catching on to so many things, and how her language, all kinds of motor skills and eating has been improving, and it's exciting to celebrate her. But as I plan how to decorate a Hello Kitty cake and cute birthday banners, I can't help but think about her birth mom in China. We know nothing about her, except that she loved her enough to put her in a place where she would be cared for and could find a forever family. The only thing that was left on her other than clothes was a note that had her birthday written on it. Unlike our boys whose birthdays are a guess, we know for certain that her birthday is August 16. Which also leads me to believe that her birth mom will remember this date. I cannot even fathom the emotions that might be associated with this date for her. The loss and sacrifice that she experienced is nothing I have a frame of reference for... But I have a love that is deep for the baby that she carried for those months. She did something so brave and loving by birthing her and caring for her for a few months before she had to make what I believe would be the hardest choice- to bring her to an orphanage. She may not even know if her precious baby survived since she obviously had some physical issues (like a need for heart surgery) and she may have just not been able to provide the care that she needed or had to money for medical procedures. I wish I could let her know that Abby Grace is doing amazing, and her smiles can bring joy to anyone who cares to look at her. I wish she could know that she made it to 2 years old... and because of the surgery, and the way that God is healing her from the inside out, she can live a long life. I wish she knew about how she has a lovely set of brothers who adore her and a daddy who thinks she hung the moon, and a momma who would do anything to protect her. I wish she could know how her choice of life for Abby Grace changed our lives in SO many ways. Having a daughter is amazing and as much as I love my boys, this girl has my heart in a different way. Going through all the struggles of surgery and hospitals has been stretching and challenging, but we see God's hand in all of it. And I get to be the one who celebrates her birthdays, development milestones and enjoy her smiles everyday. Her laugh is crazy cute and she snuggles up on my shoulder when she hugs me. She loves to give kisses and plays ring around the rosy like a pro (thanks to her brothers!) This girl with the sparkly black eyes, hands that long to hold yours, who loves purses, shoes and hairbows, and a smile that lights up a room- she calls me Momma. I look into the precious eyes of all my three littles and I seriously cannot believe that I get to be their Mom- that they run to me with joy when I pick them up from church, and who snuggle with me first thing every morning. They cry for me when they are sad, sick or scared and sometimes, a Momma hug is all that they need. I seriously LOVE adoption and the beautiful picture of God's grace that it can show to the world. Adoption is about a family that is grafted together that might never had existed, but God uses to strengthen all those in the family. As much as it is about togetherness and love, it is about loss and heartache. Tears come to my eyes as I held Abby Grace before bed and prayed out loud for her birth mother who might be about to get up on the day that she most likely will remember as one of the hardest of her life. I pray that she would not only find peace that she did what she could for Abby Grace and that she is well cared for now, but that even more important she would know about the God who created her and who loves her enough to give His son on her behalf. <br />
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thatcoffeegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05335429921379940374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5942058920779274551.post-50298247541287298802016-07-21T00:59:00.001+05:302016-07-21T00:59:33.203+05:30Abby Grace~<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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There is so much to tell from the picking up of Abby Grace (in March) to the now (July...). I am just going to try to write a bit to catch up with the present!<br />
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We got our boys sent to America via my mom, and Ryan and I got house clean, not knowing when we would come back to it, and headed on a plane to China! There is really no other feeling like the anticipation and joy and a little bit of freaking out when you get off that plane in the homeland of your future child. China is full of people and cars and noise, but Ryan and I felt like it was quiet compared to India! We were in a city in central China, Hefei, and we stayed at a nice Holiday Inn. We found the nearest Walmart and walked up the streets, enjoying the amazing surroundings. We bought a stroller and some strange looking snacks to get the full Chinese cultral experience, and then we ate dinner at a Cafe on the side of the road. They had a picture menu and I had an app with translation, but even with that, I have no idea what we ordered! It was tasty and we could see that our limited Chinese would not get us very far! We found ourselves looking around at all the people and wondering if our baby girl would grow up to look like the beautiful people we saw.<br />
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The next day we got up early and had a breakfast with butterflies in our stomachs knowing as we ate, our girl was being brought to the meeting place from her orphanage. We got to the meeting place first and filled out a few more papers and checked the info and name spellings on documents. Finally, SHE ARRIVED! She was dressed in layers and layers of clothes... and a pink coat with bunny ears on the hoodie. She was holding tightly to the nanny that brought her and a few other ladies had come and were encouraging her to let go and come to me. I did not want to force her. I cannot even imagine what could be going through your mind at 20 months to have everything you had known before change and you cannot even communicate! One of the ladies gave me a strawberry cookie and said she would like me if I gave it to her. She did. Came right to me! She was so light and it seemed like she could blow away if the wind blew right. She cried on and off but we tried to make her feel comfortable with us. We walked the halls while they did more paper work and some official signings. I absolutely fell SO in love from that first glance at her. Even as she was pushing me away and crying, I was just completely overwhelmed to be this girl's mom!! Once we made it back to the hotel, things got better for her as she started to warm up to us. We took off her four layers of clothes, and really were shocked to see how tiny she was. And the way that her breathing was labored and seemed to take a lot of energy. I just tried to not worry and just figured it was all part of her heart issue and would be fixed with surgery. I was encouraged by a friend who said, "she does not know any different." Its true. Everyday before her surgery was full of retractions and labored breaths. She loved to take a bath and started smiling with us. She could not walk on her own, but would take a few steps if you held her hands. She would not cry for more than a minute at a time (maybe because of the labored breathing) and she would point to her bed and put herself to sleep when she was tired. We explored around the city and even took a day trip to see the orphanage she was from. That day turned out better than I could have planned. She had started to bond with us and I was scared that she would be confused and want to go back to the nannies and her life there again, but she seemed to cling to me even more and did not have a desire to go into the places that had been all she had known before. She did give her favorite nanny a few hugs and smiles and the nanny seemed so sad to say goodby, but i think she was thankful that Abby Grace was now in a loving family who could get her the medical care she needed.<br />
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Then we headed to Guangzhou to get her US visa processed. We also met up with lots of other adoptive families and it was so amazing to hear their stories and see their newly joined family members and how they were like Abby Grace and attaching to new parents. We went shopping and sightseeing and would take our new little ones out to eat. It was so amazing! We felt like our lives were in slow motion compared to the action packed life with the tornado twins and overseas living. Several things made us a bit worried about Abby Grace's health but nothing seemed too out of the ordinary and we did not feel we needed to find a Dr in China. Until the middle of night, right before we caught a plane to America the next morning; she could hardly breathe. I have never seen a kid work so hard to do something so simple as take a breath and it was overwhelming. Here it is the middle of the night in China, where we don't speak the language or know much of how to get around and I am gripped with fear to where I cannot hardly breathe either. I have never felt fear like that. I may have lived overseas too long, but I am pretty sure it was spiritual warfare! I fell on my knees and for the first time I cried. I cried full of fears with her health being out of my control. I cried for the many months that she had lived with a huge hole in her heart without people around her who could give her life saving surgery. I cried grieving the many other nights I had not been able to care for her. I cried for the struggle I could see ahead on this girls road to a normal life. Most of all I cried out to God to save my baby girls life. I know our kids are not ours, they are God's- but adoption and then a kid with2 special health needs just make it even more obvious that our kids are NOT ours. They are a loan from God and he gives and he could take away, and in all things deserves the praise. As I stayed with my face in carpet still sobbing and praying, I listened for her every breath, and I kept adding more oils which seemed to help her breathing some. When it was finally time to get up (even though I had not slept ANY. Not exactly how you want to start a 30 hour flight with a one year old who met you only two weeks prior) Ryan gets an email that they have postponed one of our flights and it messed up our whole itinerary. We grab some breakfast and load up hoping to get our flight fixed so we can get home and get the baby to the Dr. It took some work, but we made it on another flight that left us in Houston for the overnight, but since Ryan's mom lives there she could pick us up and let us sleep at her house and then take us back in the morning for the puddle jump up to Little Rock. The whole long plane route from China to DC, Abby Grace was struggling to breathe. We could keep her happy with snacks, but pretty much the whole ride is a blur to me. The fear grabbed my heart again and I seriously was not sure if she was going to make it to the US alive. Sounds so extreme now, but it was so real then. I know now that she needed Oxygen and there should have been some on the plane and a Dr. would have been available to look at her if I had just asked. But we made it. We were united with our boys who we missed tremendously and we were so excited to have them meet their Mei Mei (little sister in Chinese) She started calling them Ga Ga, which I thought was baby talk until my Chinese friend said it was Big Brother in Chinese. I was shocked that she not only knew how to say it, but associated it with the fast moving brown boys who were kissing all over her. <br />
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thatcoffeegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05335429921379940374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5942058920779274551.post-73578357032105898282016-02-16T15:39:00.000+05:302016-02-16T15:39:28.671+05:30Whats in a name?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I love a good name story, and I always knew I wanted my kids to be given names that not only sound cool, but have a deeper meaning. And that it would be something that could point others to Christ. When we got our little girls pic, Ryan was totally the one who was head over heels immediately. We had thought through several names, with meanings about Grace, Joy, and Holy. I felt like when we saw her, we would know what to call her. After we sent in the email that we were ready to be her family, I got excited to name her, but none of the names screamed "THATS IT" so we thought through several more options. We finally settled on Abigail Grace Rainbolt. We will call her Abby Grace. I love the thought of calling her both names, but seriously the sweetest thing about it is when her brothers talk about her. They love her so much! They saw a cute baby at the park yesterday and Josiah told me, "That is a cute girl, and maybe her name is Abby Grace too. Abby Grace means she is really cute." HAHA! I love three year olds. Abigail actually means, "My Father's Joy" and for many years, Ryan and I have dreamed about raising a girl some day and when he talks about her he gets this far off look of peace and joy in his eyes and I know she already has him wrapped around her tiny finger. That baby girl is going to be so loved by him and all of us and she will bring joy to those she meets. Already they remarked that she smiles alot and seems to be happy in all her pictures. Not only is the apple of her Daddy's eye, but she is so deeply lover by her Father in heaven who has not for a moment left her alone. I find that I miss her, and imagine what she is doing. I unintentionally have been waking up early, and its about the time that she would be waking up in her place in China. I pray that she finds love today as she starts a new day, and that somehow she will be at little prepared for the change that is coming. I see another 1-2 year old girl and I wonder if she is that same size or see clothes and picture them on her. I hear a song about how God heals our hearts and I pray for her. I cleaned out a spot in the boys closet for her clothes.<br />
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We found out that the orphanage will not be able to do her surgery, but they said they will expedite her file so instead of June, we may go to china in April! Exciting and scary! We really are going into uncharted waters. We don't know what kind of heart surgery will be needed exactly... but with the fact that she seems to be doing better than many kids with open holes in their heart, we are very hopeful. She is still small, and even though this kind would usually have been fixed at 6 months, and she is 17 months, its not uncommon to see the kids jump drastically in size and catch up in development quickly after this kind of surgery. I have been researching and learning all I can, but its so hard to find answers to our questions since most of them cannot be answered by a doctor until they actually see the girl themselves. So we wait. Try to do it patiently. Seriously knowing that it will be sooner than expected is amazing. But we know that our baby girl is held safely in the hands of the one who created her. He has taken care of her since before her heart had its first beat. She is meant to be a Rainbolt, but more than that, she is meant to be known as a child of the King.<br />
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Abby Grace means she is really cute!<br />
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thatcoffeegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05335429921379940374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5942058920779274551.post-4488754925261390022016-02-05T22:00:00.000+05:302016-02-05T22:00:23.198+05:30Bring on the PINK!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
We are so excited to introduce our little baby girl, Abigail Grace. She is 17 months, and in China waiting for us!<br />
The story of how we found each other is really a God story, and man, he is not finished with her, or with us! We were waiting for the email that has a picture and a file of a little kid... and then we have a certain amount of days to review, have a Dr look at the medical file, and then accept or ask for the next file. We were expecting it to come any day now... and then an email came with a bunch of special focus list of kids with more pressing needs. It had pictures and listed the reasons why the child needs a family more urgently. Some of them were bigger needs and some just require a surgery, but they all need a family. Ryan looked through the pictures like he did every time the email came, and this time he said, "Hey look at that girls smile! Do you think she could be our girl?" Strangely, I was the more "practical" one in this circumstance, and I look at her... pushed down the feelings of "OH WOW! Isn't she adorable?" and try to rationalize how the email would come just like I expected. We would KNOW immediately that this was our girl, just like we knew J and D were our kids the minute we saw them. I asked him why she would be on the list. And if its something that would affect her long term, and if it would require extra care that we could not provide while living overseas. You have to email back to request more info about each child, and I did not tell Ryan I wanted to get more info. That was on a Wednesday. Then Sunday we headed to church like usual, and I put the boys in the toddler class, and one of my good friends little two year old girl wanted me to hold her. As I hug this little cutie, I felt something. It felt like God wanted me to listen to Him and that He was saying, "don't be afraid. look at her file." I did not think I was afraid. I thought I was being practical. I thought our girl would come in a referral email picture and we would have that one MOMENT when you know someone has picked out the child who will soon be your own. This time it was different. It was a slow process of God letting me know that He was the one who set our family up, and even when it did not go like I thought it would, it is far more beautiful. Ryan, when I told him I wanted to ask for the file, of course, he had already requested it! When we got the file, I read through it. Most of it is full of medical terms and numbers that I have no clue about. I just now started to understand all the different heart problem terms! Thank you Wikapedia. But as I read what they said about her, I could not help but sob. In her tiny little life, so many hard things, but many people had stepped in to care for her. The reports were way more detailed than I expected, and they even listed what they feed her and how she likes to be held and how attached she is to her care giver. I just could not even believe how much God loved this little girl, and I was falling in love with her a world apart only through a file and a photo. One of the comments said that once she was able to become internationally adoptable, she was able to receive more treatment. We had several Dr.'s look at her file and give us their opinion. She does need heart surgery and it does need to be as soon as possible. She is still young, 17 months, but one Dr said it normally would have been repaired at 6 months. They said that once the VSD is repaired, she should catch up and it will not affect her daily life after recovery. So now we wait and see if the orphanage will be able to arrange surgery now while she is in China, which we requested for her sake, but we are not sure if that will happen. I personally would want to be the one with her during recovery, doing what Momma's do, and I would be able to ask the Dr. a million questions like a good heart Mom should. Its been a real lesson in trusting God and letting go of CONTROL. When you have a kid at home, you control what they snack on, how cool the room is while they sleep, what they watch on TV... we can't control everything, but we do what we can. I do that with my boys without thinking about it. And then God gives me a precious jewel, whose heart is in need of healing, and she is so many time zones away... and I have no idea what kind of bed she sleeps in, if someone gives her kisses, what she eats, if she ever struggles with her VSD (a hole in the wall of the lower section of the heart) or how soon I can help her get the surgery she needs. When I start to freak out about all this that I can't control, I start thinking about how excited I am to be on this journey, and how thankful I am that this special little one is in my life to teach me a lesson in trusting God and letting Him show His power and ability to take care of things. I am sure it is only one of many lessons in trusting God and giving the control of my kiddos back to Him. A good friend who has great knowledge and kids with heart issues was chatting with me and said the thing that helped me the MOST since saying yes to Abby Grace (thanks Ellen) I told her how I felt over whelmed and wondered if i had what it takes to be a heart mom with all that it could entail... and she said, "He picks our kids, friend. And that means you already have what it takes to be a heart mom." <br />
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More later on how we choose her name!</div>
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thatcoffeegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05335429921379940374noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5942058920779274551.post-13397136541649993072016-01-22T21:20:00.000+05:302016-01-22T23:10:07.510+05:30Boys 3 years HOME!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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To Josiah and Daniel,<br />
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I can hardly believe that its been 3 years since that crazy fun day that you made your daddy and me the happiest parents in the world! We love everything about you. That first day, Daniel could not even look at me without crying and Josiah was not sure, but going with whatever the next moments held. It was not long before Daniel became a real Momma's boy and I love how quickly you learned to accept our love and then to give it back us. I like to watch the two of you boys play together, and to see your similarities and your differences. Josiah, you are so creative and silly. You have a compassion that is always thinking of others first. You are always willing to share. You get so excited about little things and I love to see the JOY in your eyes when we set out on a new adventure. Daniel, You are so smart. You amaze me with your memory and love for all things numbers. You are also becoming a beautiful artist. You melt me heart when you say how much you love me. You are determined and focused, and when you want to do something, you figure out a way to get it done. I am so proud of you both. I know God has big plans for you and I love that I get to be the mom that God choose for you who will encourage you and watch you grow into men of faith. I pray that you will be men of integrity, willing to stand up for truth, and faithful sharers of the good news that we have. I am excited to see you as big brothers this year and I know that you will love and protect your sister with vigor. You are both my treasure and I thank God for you and the men you will become everyday. Stay close to Jesus, babies- He is our life and all our hope.You are growing up so fast, and before i know it, I will blink and you will be all grown up. I love everyday with you and try to cherish the sweet moments when I see how great our God is to create such amazing little people like you two! I love you to the moon and back.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="281" mozallowfullscreen="" src="https://player.vimeo.com/video/152713051" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe><br />
<a href="https://vimeo.com/152713051">Boys 3 Years Home</a> from <a href="https://vimeo.com/user13994627">R and S</a> on <a href="https://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>. </div>
thatcoffeegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05335429921379940374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5942058920779274551.post-52793860258302253932016-01-16T16:17:00.000+05:302016-01-16T16:17:25.307+05:30Adoption update<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
It is getting closer.... We still do not know who our little one is, but we have been told we should get a referral within a few weeks or so. It is getting so REAL! This adoption has been much less stressful than the first one, probably because we have done it before and it seems less scary and also that I have two beautiful boys that take up most of my energy. We have had our moments of wondering when it will be?, what she will be like?, how much hair will she have?, what should we call her?. Thankfully we have been blessed with most of the big expenses paid by some AMAZING grants. God is so faithful. Every time Ryan has showed me the finances and said, "We need to spend less this month" or "We need (X amount) of dollars for this payment." God has always showed up with just the amount we need... or someone giving a little gift, or another grant. Over Christmas we all traveled to Sri Lanka and had an amazing island Christmas. We were shocked to find out while we were there that we were given a HUGE grant and we were also moving up on the list because two families accepted their referrals... It finally felt like she would actual come home. The boys are so SOOO excited about a sister and they want to talk about her and think of names for her. They bought her a blanket at the store yesterday and they now want to sit under it and talk about how much they already love sister. Its the sweetest thing. I can only imagine the joy on their faces when they get to meet her.<br />
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When I pray for her and imagine what she is doing now, I can't help but pray that she is in a loving environment where she is able to play with other kids, and somehow know that there is a mommy, a daddy, and two big brothers who are waiting just for HER. I pray that she will be attached to someone who will help her know what love looks like, and that she will be sad when she leaves them. She will be coming home with us, and we know how good it is to be loved by an extended family and when she comes home, she will have plenty of food and toys and brothers to play with... but in her little mind, everything she has ever known will be different. We will talk a different language and eat different foods. Her "normal" life will turn upside down. Our boys were so little they don't have clear memories of before meeting us, but we expect our daughter to be around 2, so she will notice the change more than they did. I assume that the grieving process will be difficult and some days it may/will be harder than we had anticipated... But I trust the one who crafted this little precious one and who holds all of us in the palm of His hand, and he will give us the daily sufficient grace to press on when we are beyond exhausted.<br />
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We love that you are on this journey with us and as we get to know her and get ready for our travel we will keep you updated so you can pray with us! We are almost fully funded, but we still have a little ways to go. We have a matching grant that will double your gifts, and if you would like to partner with us in this way, here is a link.<br />
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<span class="_5yl5"><span><span>To give online go to </span><a href="http://www.lifesongfororphans.org/give/donate" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.lifesongfororphans.org/give/donate</a><span>. Select “Give to an Adoptive Family.” Complete the online form and fill in “Account Number 5707” and “Rainbolt Family”. All donations given are matched.</span></span></span></div>
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Thanks for your prayers and support of us. </div>
thatcoffeegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05335429921379940374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5942058920779274551.post-65230836190153579542015-10-26T17:24:00.000+05:302015-10-26T17:25:46.478+05:30Faith shaken and refilled<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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This mothering business sometimes makes me feel like I am in a fog...
Some days I just push on to bed time... others I feel
completely in control and love just being with my kids. The days really
are long, but the years are short... so I don't want to stay in the fog,
just putting one foot in front of the other. I wanted to pull myself
out of it, so I started making more to do lists and strict schedule, and I
found that helped some, but something was just not quite right. Then
the Lord shocked us with a big thing that requires full trust in him. I
found that instead of my normal, ready for change self, I was {slightly}
freaking out and felt like the bottom of my world fell out from under
me. It required me to see that my trust had not been on the Lord, but on
my plans and abilities. I thought I could schedule my life so well that He would be
pleased and bless me because my children were well behaved (most of the
time) or my house is finally organized and clean (for the most part) and
I was sharing stories of truth with people (when it was convenient).
Without me even noticing, I had scheduled faith right out my life. Then
when the earth shook, I saw my lack of faith when the walls of my own
efforts fell like sand castles on the shore and I felt alone and empty.
What a loving God we serve that he does not grade us by our lack of
faith and let us sit there alone in our failings, but he teaches us to
walk by faith and gives us what we lack in our trust.<br />
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I
feel like I toddle between wanting to give my children the stability
that I had growing up and wanting to be willing to go at any point where
ever He leads us. I loved (and hated) living in the same town most all
my life, and I knew Daddy would be home at the same time everyday, and
we would go on a vacation in the car once a summer and drive to
grandma's for holidays. With a big backyard, there were endless hours of
playing and I never once knew if my parents struggled with anything.
Fast forward to my life today, and my kids already have lived in several
places, some days Daddy is home all day and some days he is out working
til past their bed time. We fly and travel often, but rarely get to see
family. Our "backyard" is a garden shared by everyone in our building,
but it is closed most of the afternoon. I worry that I show my struggles
to my kids by not being in control of my emotions in front of them
(i.e. crying when I miss family back home or getting frustrated at my
lack of understanding a foreign system of 'such and such') But this is
the Life to which we were called. To be willing to go, or to stay,
whenever he calls. And trust each day, not just in the ones that trust
becomes my every breath...<br />
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So here I stand in one of
the moments that I am hanging on desperately to nothing but my faith in
Him. He sometimes needs to shake our little comfortable life to remind
us what is most important, and the best thing is that He refills us with
more faith and peace than we had before. I write this to remind myself
to not get settled in my comfortable life without walking by faith. And
to ask you to pray that as many others are walking a road that is
completely unknown and scary that we will trust in Him. That we will be
willing to do whatever it is that the Lord has for us. That we will know
that we are not alone, but that he is listening, and even if he does
not move the mountain standing in our way or part the seas we want to walk through, He is in
control and the only thing we can cling to. This song speaks exactly
what my heart cries out today... leaving my dreams for what I wanted my life to be down at His feet. He knows what our tomorrows hold, and I want what He wants and nothing less. He is the rock on which I stand, and no place I'll go He's not already stood. I will trust, I will trust, I will trust
in you!<br />
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thatcoffeegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05335429921379940374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5942058920779274551.post-88984154210772360842015-10-04T23:02:00.001+05:302015-10-04T23:02:21.058+05:30For the sake of...?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I sit here with the A.C. cranked up to a whopping 21 Degrees Celsius... and I almost feel a bit chilly and can't wait for the tea kettle to whistle so I can have some apple cider tea! It is the start of the October HEAT here in our section of South Asia. I love the seasons change, and here its more like Rainy and Not Rainy. I don't know if its just my memories of amazing cool, crisp evenings with leaves crunching and pumpkin spice lattes... or maybe I spent a few too many minutes on facebook being jealous of all the FALL IS HERE posts, but I started to feel sorry for myself. It is the second hottest month of the year, and lots of places (like our church) do not have AC. I sweated all day long. It is so hot and the humidity makes me feel like a limp wet towel! I love life here most of the time and I know that I am called to live here for this season, but when you are hot and tired, your brain becomes selective in its memories. Anyway, I started to believe a little lie... one that says, "If you don't get your kids photos at a pumpkin patch, then you are a bad mother" And another started, "Its too hard here, and you are missing out on the best things in life". For a split second (or maybe a few minutes) I doubted that October would be a good month... with the heat here and lack of football games and color changing leaves. We have Starbucks but no seasonal drinks. (wow, as I write it, I feel aware of my ridiculousness!)<br />
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So the only way I have found to remove a lie from my head is to cover that lie up with truth! My boys will NOT CARE ONE BIT if they have a picture in pumpkin patch. They probably will never ever bring up it or think that I deprived them by having them grow up in South Asia! What they will have is lots of memories of crazy and somewhat exotic vacations to Thailand and New Zealand. They will have memories of Daddy leading trainings and Momma serving lots of chai and telling stories of truth. And some days, it is hard here, but it could be SO much worse! We actually live in a comfortable place and I know people that are struggling with water shortages who are not complaining, and we have not even had water cuts yet, and I get to take the boys swimming everyday, and since its not getting colder, we will get to keep swimming for months. I know the best things in life are not simply Fall... even though I LOVE fall...the best things in life are those you can't buy at Walmart or find in a pumpkin patch. They come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Currently my best things are early morning time alone with my savior, two bundle of energy 3 year olds, and a husband who will not stop loving me even when I am at my worst. Its finding a person with which to share a story of truth with, and encouraging others to go out and do the same. Its being content in my season of life and finding that the things that I thought would make me happy are just dim reflections of the one who created all beauty.<br />
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As I cleaned the kitchen and had all these lies and truths, the song that came to my mind was For the Sake of the Call (I love SCC's music) "We will abandon it all for the sake of the call<br />
No other reason at all but the sake of the call<br />
Wholly devoted to live and to die<br />
For the sake of the call"<br />
This is why I stay. This is why I struggle. This is why I LOVE. No other reason at all. Would I leave behind the calling on my life for the sake of a pumpkin spice latte? Would I abandon my saviors beckoning to go to the lost for the sake of living in a place with four seasons? I pray that I always find truth to cover the lies in my head quickly so that I don't give in to them. It would never be worth to give up intimacy with God for comforts of this life. So I am thankful for my struggles. I embrace them instead of bemoaning them. (I might regret saying that tomorrow when something new comes along or when the sun is blazing the temps up to 95 again) But I want to leave behind all my earthly desires, and as we sang today in the "warm" church hall, "I surrender All." Let it be true of me. </div>
thatcoffeegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05335429921379940374noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5942058920779274551.post-74099181536442350782015-09-03T16:15:00.001+05:302015-09-03T16:16:05.598+05:30The next Adventure!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
No beating around the bush with this announcement... but WE ARE ADOPTING AGAIN! We are over the moon excited about the journey that lies before us. We are pursuing a little one from China. The boys are so pumped about the prospect of a sister. They talk about her already and they hope she likes to dance with scarves to "Let it Go" and the color purple. Ryan and I just joked that we must be crazy to go through all this again- but we know it's not just about us wanting to grow the family or have a little girl... it's about the Love of the Father who desires for all orphans to become loved daughters and sons, and sisters and brothers. He desires for all people to have a chance to know Him and His love for them and have the chance to accept Him as their Savior. And that thought just humbles me to the core. That He would have made a little precious one that I get to LOVE and kiss good night... and that I get to teach to ride a bike and to bake cookies... that I will sing happy birthday too every year, even though I did not actually birth her. wow. He has already taught me such amazing things through our boys and their little hearts full of energy and enthusiasm... and also that our hearts are full of evil and selfishness and no matter how hard we try, we will never be perfect. But the great gift of grace of the cross that gives us hope and sets us free from guilt. What a blessing to look into the faces of our kiddos and see the unmerited favor of our Lord. I LOVE ADOPTION!<br />
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thatcoffeegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05335429921379940374noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5942058920779274551.post-50962678575646259452014-11-26T15:29:00.003+05:302014-11-26T15:29:24.803+05:30A new normal<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
life is generally full of transition. I come from a very "normal" family... Dad. Mom. Brother. And me. We lived in the same town for 26 years now... we go to church every time the door is open (actually daddy had to open it some times!). we went on family vacations driving the car all over the country every summer. we shopped at the grocery store with the best sales that week. we drove to visit family for every major holiday. we do things like the typical American family does. And then, there is now. The life that Ryan and I are building for our little family is not normal in the same way we grew up. But in some ways, its just the same. Dad. Mom. Brothers. we go to church every time we can. we go on vacations every 6 months (for our visa renewal, but we can't drive, we must fly). we shop where I can find the best prices on food, which might be a market, or online shopping. we can't make it to our family on the holidays, but we meet with other Americans who become our family over here. we do things in a non typical American way, since we don't live in America. But we are still American. We still want to teach our boys about Thanksgiving and to be grateful for the freedoms that we enjoy. We want them to know what it is to be American, but more than that, I want them to know what its like to be a follower of Jesus. I want them to learn about the freedom that comes from giving your life to Jesus and allowing Him to guide you in the journey. I want Christmas to be more about Jesus and less about the elf on the shelf. I want meals to be about family being together. I want my boys to see that mornings include Momma sitting at the table with her coffee and the word. I want them to learn that skin color is only on the outside, and inside, we are all the same... loved by God and created to worship HIM. I want them to see Momma and Daddy working hard sharing Jesus with others so they can also know the freedom that we find in Christ. I want them to know that they are wanted and loved and they cannot do anything to change the Love that their Daddy and Momma and God has for them. So I feel like we are creating a New Normal in our lives, which involves change. Thats where the transition comes in... We head out for 6 months of time in the US with great excitement... But it is going to involve a new everyday normal for the boys. Even as we shifted out of our house the boys see the suitcases and different beds... and it creates more breakdowns and frustrations. I tried to bring some of their favorite books and their blankets so things did not seem to be quite so upside down. I know they will be fine, but its hard to help them to see that what is coming is going to be great. They talk about going home, and now the only home they ever remember is not going to be our home again. Ryan is finishing up with the movers today and we may go back to clean, but our stuff is not there so it will not feel like home again. The boys new normal includes airplane rides, new houses, new people, new church, new friends, new foods, new EVERYTHING. A new normal is that nothing stays the same forever. Saying "See ya soon" never seems to get easier. Maybe one day I will perfect the good bye... one would think with how many times I do it, I would be great at it by now, but no, its still difficult. I am just so grateful that we serve a savior who never leaves us... so there are no goodbyes with Him. So I will make thanksgiving food with our American friends here... and prepare for a few more goodbyes, and THEN... some "HELLO"S with our family in America and prepare to help the boys understand more about the celebration of the birth of the one who came to die to save them... Hallelujah what a Savior!</div>
thatcoffeegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05335429921379940374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5942058920779274551.post-85175352301594106802014-10-17T16:10:00.000+05:302014-10-17T16:10:13.830+05:30Real life<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Living cross culturally is amazing. I love the adventures and discoveries you find just by being in a new culture. I have always loved learning about new places and exploring; appreciating all the diversity that God created. I also love my home where I grew up. I love small town Arkansas with its naturally beautiful picnic spots, going to walmart and meeting 12 people you know, quiet streets where kids can ride bikes. I have a crazy adventurous life here, that also has its days of routine. I go to a grocery store and push a cart, just like in America. I drive a car (although there is not what I would call lanes, and red lights seem to be optional unless a police man is near by. Striving to obey the rules is important to me so this pretty much drives me nuts.) I meet with friends and have people over to dinner. I go to church. The boys and I have preschool. I cook meals for my family three times a day. I clean house, play outside at playgrounds, even go to Starbucks. Its just normal life.<br />
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But I have this temptation to think that if I just get through this stage that the next one will be when life really begins. I did not even realize I was thinking it until one day it just hit me. I know I am not the only one who falls prey to this mindset. Life is generally seasonal. I love the seasons. Fall is one of the times that its hard to live in a place without an Autumn. (leaves changing. cooler weather. apple cider. anything pumpkin. oh how i love fall.) We need change, breaks from our routines. There are school semesters. Life overseas (at least in our country) we have visa renewal trips every six months. We live here for 3 years then have 6 months in America. We all have times we just have to press on until things change or pressures lessen. I know this is true and the way that God designed the world with seasons change, but I don't think he intended us to just get through things hoping for something better in the next season. Even in the hard seasons, waiting desperately for the next good thing to come only makes us not enjoy the moments we are living in. Be fully where you are. enjoy the days of sunshine and the ones with clouds. One of the best ways to do this is the invest your time in people. love deeply. give of yourself listening to them and their stories, and they will laugh and cry with your through your struggles and joys. There is no substitute for a good friend. I am so blessed that even in a new culture and country, I have found a group of friends who get me. They have given me a deeper love for my host culture and enjoy learning about my home culture and they listen to me explain the things that I miss from home. Its amazing that they all have kids the same age as my boys so all the friends can get together and play every week as we learn and grow to be more Christlike mommas. If I buy into the lie that my real life with be every three years for 6 months with the rest of the time being just work, then I am going to miss out on the whole point of why I am even here on earth! <br />
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For my friends who were born and raised here- its REAL life for them, and the only one they know. I try to only say the good things about India, and not complain when things do not go like they "should." So I was shocked when I realized that the things that annoy me the most also annoy my friends about their own culture. They also get annoyed when people cut in line, or that it takes 45 minutes and four lines to mail a package. They wish people followed the traffic signals and they are bothered by the many beggars on the side of the road. Makes sense. As much as I love some things about America, there are things that I don't like or that annoy me about life there as well. There is no perfect place. (this is earth shattering news for this idealist) <br />
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This is also my REAL life. Its not going to begin when I land on US soil... to live in a rented home full of someone else's furniture... with a borrowed car... with all the family going crazy over the kids (knowing time with them is precious) Now don't hear me wrong, I am going to LOVE every minute of being home. Just the thought of seeing family and friends at church, letting the boys ride bikes on the street in front of our house, driving places and no one cuts into my lane and everyone stops at a red light, going through Walmart with a buggy all to myself with an hour to spend sounds SO exciting. But this will just be a short season and I want to catch myself before I end up thinking this is the REAL life that I push through the other harder seasons of my life to get to. Its a challenge to live fully where you are. This is a messy season in my life. I clean up one mess and they make another one. But I am scared to blink, and they will be all grown up and my house will be all clean and quiet again. I want to cherish these toddler years, and whatever joys and trials the next seasons of life brings. This is real life. the day to day, nitty gritty, dinner around the table, playing in the grass, blue play dough in my hair and milk spilled on the floor... that's life. Teaching them about Jesus and getting to share His love with others. that's REAL life. enduring through suffering so that we can share the hope of God with others who also go through suffering. that's REAL life.<br />
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As I dream and plan the months we will be near to our families in America, I already know the things that I am going to miss about India the most. My friends, first of all. The malls with kids playgrounds that are so near our house. (you know small town America is not known for its big malls) Getting groceries delivered for free. seriously anything off of Amazon.in with its quick free delivery.(amazing!) Crazy congested markets where you can find anything cheap. calling up a "fix anything guy" for $2. Public transportation, like the Auto. The boys are going to miss these rides SO much. I really want to enjoy the season now of finishing this term strong, and joyfully expecting God to do great things now and in the months at home. How do I live fully where I am in the life season that God has given me TODAY? One moment at a time. spend more time on my knees and less complaining. Being with people that listen and encourage. Laugh and cry through the good and bad days. Community. And get used to a little grim on the floors.<br />
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2 Corinthians 1:3-4. "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus
Christ, the Father of all mercies and God of all comfort who comforts
us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who
are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are
comforted by God." <br />
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thatcoffeegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05335429921379940374noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5942058920779274551.post-37661379140169112772014-09-26T23:12:00.004+05:302014-09-26T23:12:56.748+05:30I need you.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
So, I realized its been forever since I blogged. I think its because I wanted to feel like I had something AMAZING or life changing to write about. Or I was afraid that it was just going to sound like I was a big complainer (my life is not horrible, but life with littles is not easy) I read blogs and feel either "Wow, that's exactly how I feel and I am so thankful she was REAL..." or I think, "There is no way in the world I could every become a mom as awesome as her." Its true, I have moments of pure joy and amazement at my boys learning and growing, but other times I just scrape by and fall into bed exhausted, worried about the dishes I left in the sink, or criticizing my own parenting skills (or lack thereof) for one thing or another. Comparison is a killer of JOY and I know that the later response to blogs is wrong (and those who write them are not trying to me make others feel inferior or like failures.) I like my house being clean. With the twin mess tornadoes, and living in India, that's pretty much impossible. Its a uphill battle to keep the floors from being sticky and the sink empty of dishes, but I prefer to live for the smiles of all three of my boys! Ryan is great about helping me to keep the dirt at bay and to help me not live with any guilt about playing with the boys more than worrying about keeping the house clean. <br /><br />I love to pray through out the day... to keep the conversation going with the Lord. One of the songs that has really encouraged me is, "Lord I Need You" by Matt Maher. seriously I cannot make it though the song without feeling peace and a little more strength to make it though the next few moments of the day. With out Him, I do fall apart. I have been teaching the boys to pray, and their precious little voices saying, "Dear Jesus". Man, there is not much else sweeter than the sound of your precious baby calling out to his creator! And we pray for our friends... The first time I asked Josiah to pray for his friends, I expected him to pray for his church friends who we see several times a week and talk about all the time. But the first name he prayed for was not them... but our neighbor boy we play with at the playground. The minute I heard him, I was so convicted. I am have been friends with this family for a few years and I have shared truth, but seriously they have been so blinded by false religion that they cannot see truth even when they stare it in the face.<span class="text 2Cor-4-4" id="en-NIV-28864"><sup>"</sup>The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.</span>" 2 Cor 4:4. If I were to be really honest, I would put them in a category of "been there, tried to share... moving on to share with someone responsive" I know our God can do all things, but I had not prayed or shared with them for a while, had I inadvertently thought of them as too far from His reach? And here my son is praying for his friend, a friend who needs Jesus. So clearly I felt the Lord say, "No one is too far for me to reach them. They don't know they need me yet, but don't stop praying for them." Then of course the next person he prayed for is our house maid who comes for 30 minutes every morning. I also have shared with her and after so many times of them acting like they are not listening, you want to just move on. The lessons that can be learned from a 2 year old's prayer... Don't stop praying for friends and family and random people to know about Jesus... don't stop praying for them. His arm is never too short to save...<br /><br />
Mom's Night Out. See. It. TONIGHT! It's so GOOD. Maybe its just because of my life stage and the way that I connected with the main mom character, but it really blessed my heart. At one point Ryan said, "I don't think this movie is quite as funny as you think it is..."(although he did really enjoy it! and I kinda couldn't keep from laughing out loud) I was pretty much cracking up through parts that might not have been funny to me a few years ago! I do want to love my Jesus, my husband, my kids.... but sometimes I get hung up on the messes (see paragraph 1) and I overlook the little blessings that God gives me everyday. One of the scenes from the movie "You know what I wanted to when I was a kid- This. I wanted to be a mom, marry a wonderful man... This is my dream, I am literally living my dream, but I am not happy. Why do I feel like this? Am I a horrible person? I am just tired." I. get. this. I am totally living my dream! I have an awesome loving husband, a house with a nice kitchen, the most precious kiddos... and I live in a foreign country with all kinds of exotic vacations, better friends than I ever expected. but so often, I just see the mess. I just see the toddler tantrums. I am so tired. I just see my imperfections. I see them reflected in my sons actions. Yet no one is perfect. Why do I still strive for perfection anyway? As we started teaching the boys to obey, "all the way, right away and with a happy heart," I am reminded that I also have to obey the Lord that same way. Complaining about how hard my life is or grumbling when I have unexpected work is not obeying with a happy heart. I want to obey all the way... giving God more than just a few moments in the morning before the day starts out with a bang- praying for others, being a humble servant and making him known in this dark place are my priorities. As I want immediate obedience from my boys, I also know the Lord wants that from me too. Now Daniel, even when he is mad at me because I am about to get him in trouble, I ask, "how do we obey? All the way, right away, and with a happy heart..." He smiles a ridiculously cute smile that takes over his face. He still gets punished but hopefully he is getting that having a happy heart is important. Hopefully we will all get it and choose to serve and obey with a happy heart. And to live every hour needing HIM. To never think I can do this on my own... but to live in humble dependence on the Lord. That's my main goal.<br />
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thatcoffeegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05335429921379940374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5942058920779274551.post-89352197575059428862014-07-07T11:32:00.000+05:302014-07-07T11:32:06.534+05:30Life these days...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I thought I would be better at this whole life thing by this point in my life. I thought I would simply be super mom with the perfect pinterest crafts all over the house and healthy meals that look as good as they taste. I would have kids that love to listen to momma so much that they never disobey and constantly play well together... and I would always start my day out right with time in the word, coffee, and then a workout... and my days would be filled with music and laughter. (It actually makes me laugh out loud that I actually thought these things!)<br />
<br />
Yes, I am an idealist.<br />
Yes, I do easily get disappointed.<br />
And Yes, I cannot live up to my own expectations of what my life "should" be like.<br />
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Real life includes more dishes than I care to wash, more messes on the floor, and pinterest crafts are not only hard to do with overseas substitutes, but they just make a mess. Foods do not ever seem to look like the bloggers photographs and sometimes they are more than just not pretty, they totally flop! My kids are learning to obey, but they have the same sinful heart like I do and they show their true colors through selfish attitudes, fits of anger, hitting each other or falling in a heap on the floor when they don't get what they want... Not at ALL how I imagined kids I would raise would act like. I have babysat since I was 12 and I always seemed to find a way to make the kids behave (now I know they usually act sweet for sitters and save all the attitude for momma) I worked at a preschool and thought I would have craft time everyday when I had my own littles. At this point, if I turn my back, they write on the walls or floor and or eat the playdough, so craft time is limited to only when I can give them 100% of my attention. <br />
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its not all bad. My house is not ready for a "Tour of Homes" (nor will it ever be!) and our apartment is small, but it means it does not take that long to clean. The boys are taking morning naps again since the summer rains started and it gives me time to write and think and try a new recipe for lunch. I just lower my expectations of myself. With two year old twins, I cannot do as much as I plan or desire to do. I am putting things in order of priority, with my relationship with the Lord first and being committed to not only abiding with him, but sharing Him with others around me. Encouraging the believers in my area to KNOW Him more and share His love with those around them... then later in the list comes my craft projects and house. I have to feed the family, but it does not have to be perfect. I have extremely forgiving eaters in the house. All the boys eat pretty much whatever I cook and they seem to enjoy it! gotta love that! Ryan does not complain if I am too tired to clean the floor, and usually he gets out the broom and sweeps up the mess.<br />
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And our days are filled with music and laughter. It might be "Let it Go" for the 5th time, but the boys are singing at the top of their lungs... and we laugh ALOT! Both boys are such little entertainers who make us all laugh and they are really ticklish and their giggles can make the most stoic person chuckle! My purpose in life is not to have a perfect house, fancy dinners, or spotless house; its to make the most of every opportunity and pour myself out in sacrifice for my King and those around me. It is a sacrifice for me to mop up another milk spill or an entire box of cereal, but I do it because I LOVE the Lord and I love my family. It is a sacrifice to go out and share with my neighbor the good news, and even if I am rejected, I continue to show love because I LOVE my King and he is worth more than my status in my building. I sacrifice to put the Lord first in the morning because I know if I don't, its not going to happen uninterrupted for the rest of the day. And I sacrifice to not write a blog or check facebook because my boys need my attention.<br />
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Yes, I am still an idealist, but with a real IDEAL of what He says is best in life. <br />
Yes, I do expect that today will be a great day!<br />
And Yes, I will try to live strengthened through HIS power today.<br />
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thatcoffeegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05335429921379940374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5942058920779274551.post-35204265363155975222014-02-24T11:41:00.002+05:302014-02-24T11:55:09.003+05:30Being Needy...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
The last few weeks, the Lord has been showing me more and more what it means to be needy. Sometimes I see it in the eyes of the beggars or those who live, cook, and take care of babies on the side of the road. Or in the eyes of a new mom who can't figure out how to get her baby to sleep. Or on the face of a friend who is walking through a tough season. I see needs, and I LOVE to help with them. Sometimes its hard to know what to do, but when I know, I DO IT, and I LOVE IT! It's one thing to give to people just because but to really be able to serve someone in their great need is truely fabulous. <br />
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So here I am, learning about giving to the needy, and like I mentioned in my last post, I see how I do not have it all together, and my feelings of loneliness and fear of failing try to sneak back in. It's in the big and the small things. For example, I took both kids to the market. Daniel rode in a carrier on my front and Josiah walked or was carried on my hip throughout a busy market while I also carried lots of bags of fruit, chai, and new sandals. We were doing ok, but as we made our last purchase, and started flag down a rickshaw to take us home, the banana seller told me to stop and he would get an auto rickshaw for us. I am very capable of getting a rickshaw myself and Sarah from a few weeks ago might have told him, "Don't worry about me and keep selling your bananas. I know the language and customs here, and I don't need help." But this time I saw something I had missed before: the look in his eyes of JOY. Of being able to serve someone who is genuinely in need. The same feeling I get from meeting a true need was in HIS face. I did appreciate someone noticing that my hands were full, and offering to give me a bit of his time was really a selfless act on his part. I wondered how many other times my confidence in my own abilities (i.e. pride) had keep someone else from receiving this joy. What other ways have I not been venerable of my weaknesses and not received the blessing of another ministering to me or them receiving that joy of service? We had dinner guests and I let them serve me by doing the dishes. Its a small thing, maybe even makes me sound soft or slightly selfish, but its not easy for a "I can do it myself. I have it all together." person to allow others to do jobs I have the capability but maybe not the energy to do. Almost two year old twins take a toll on your energy levels... not to mention just living everyday life in a foreign country. But I am not looking for sympathy, I am just admitting a need, and thanking the Lord in advance for meeting today's needs in whatever way He chooses. I get needy emotionally and realized that if I don't let anyone know that I am lonely or discouraged, unless they are really perceptive, no one around me can help me. It's too much to expect people to know what you are thinking, sometimes you just have to voice the need. I seem to be finding that most people are delighted to hear ways they can help or things to pray for... I might in my flesh be content with letting everyone continue to think of me as "wonderwoman" or "supermom" but I am so far from it. and its wrong. It's comical for me to think that I would spend extra energy and effort to keep up a facade when I can admit a need and find friends eager to help and excited to love on me in the ways I need. Or let a stranger give me assistance: like holding the boys hand while I pull out the money, or push the elevator button so i don't have to rearrange the bags I am carrying, or helping me get the boys into their car seats. Nothing like kids to help you to see how little you can do on your own. And to realize that I don't have to do it on my own. I should not even try to do it on my own. He created community for this very purpose. To provide for the needs of those around you and give support and encouragement. Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual needs are all met by the one who called us, and he uses all kinds of hands and feet to accomplish them as well... let us be sincere and open with those around us and be eager and willing to be His hands when you see others needs.<br />
"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with god's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you. Bless and do not curse, Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited." Romans 12:9-16<br />
Even this week, I need pray-er. I have been doing so much intense language study and its time that I can turn in a recording of a conversation. If I get a good enough score, I will be able to have more time to devote to other things than just language class and attempting to correct grammar mistakes and go out and do more serving and sharing. Honestly, I love to talk and I can keep conversations going and interesting and its been an incredibly humbling experience to have not passed the actual conversation we are graded on with a high enough score a few times before. Anyone who talks with me very long in our second language cannot believe that I have not reached that score. I have spent too much energy and effort complaining and giving excuses why the system is not an accurate way to determine language ability, or how my understanding is far greater than others who have passed... Even if I was thinking things that were true, they were not helpful and all it has done is left me feeling discouraged and frustrated. I am needing the Lord to give me his peace and his grace as I spend the last few days preparing and not get all worked up and fearful that I might be just under the mark again. Admitting my need for pray-er for language just now has me in tears again, wishing I could still be the girl that has it all together who never needs to ask for help, but I know that lie would keep me chained to my fears. But I will be joyful in HOPE. Thanks for pra-ying. </div>
thatcoffeegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05335429921379940374noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5942058920779274551.post-69762863601454514662014-01-29T11:35:00.001+05:302014-01-29T11:35:25.538+05:30having it all together?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
One of the biggest lies in our christian circles is that people in ministry have it all together. It's so easy to put people up on a pedestal who have shown the world that they want to serve him with their life as well as their vocation. We don't think that they would ever struggle with the same daily life issues and troubles that we go through. We think they are free from temptation and incapable of having rough seasons. They have given their whole life to the Lord, so it is just easy for them to live for Him, right?<br />
I am here to be honest and say it's not easy for us. I have felt the need to try to keep up the facade that I have it all together, and I bought into the lie that if anyone saw how messy my life really is, they wonder what God ever saw in me. I fight against the temptation to be believe that my worth as a person in ministry is dictated by my fruit and not being the best at everything means I am a failure. We struggle with the daily grind (cleaning up splatters of milk off the wall and cheerios on the floor... mounds of laundry that never stop... kids that don't obey...dinner that does not cook itself, and the dishes that go with it) We struggle with temptation for all kinds of things- envy, impatience, disrespect, anger, and the list goes on. We struggle with discouragement and fight against the desire to quit and go home (searching for that easy life we though we could find serving!). We long to be noticed and cared for, but many times it is just assumed we are ok, so our trials go unnoticed. Often, we work so hard caring for others and being out serving that we don't know we are struggling ourselves until we are at a breaking point.We go through seasons of loneliness and we watch our children walk through loneliness and the sad goodbyes with grandparents on the other side of the world that will rip your heart out. It's not easy. Often it's not at all fun and exotic to live on the other side of the world, even though we do have those moments as well. I have so many things that make life here more comfortable than I expected, but then I have a month like this one and I realize that this really is my life, with the joys and the pain. It will always be about goodbyes. It will always have struggles. I will always be an outsider, and even when I go home to my home culture, I will be weird there too. I don't know the latest fashions or keep up with many US cultural trends. My husband and I will not always see eye to eye, and we will go through times of miscommunication. I try my very best at language, but it will never be as comfortable as English is for me. I will be tempted in ways I never thought possible, and I will give in to discouragement more times than I can count. It will never be easy. But when I signed up for this, did anyone say it would be easy? no, not really. I think I just bought into the lie that if I was called to it, I'd just love it all the time. I imagined that the one who called would make the road "easy" and I would not have deep valleys of struggle. Or maybe I thought I would love the valleys because thats where the Lord grows us the most. But here I am. wishing things were different. being in a valley, but just feeling alone. too often giving in to discouragement and discontentment. giving in to anger (esp at my kids, who are just being kids) And I am asking the lord for the grace to just make it through the day. On the one hand, I know its just part of life here, and what better place to be than at the "end of Sarah" so that HIS power can be seen though my life... and the other hand knows it's good, but feels the pain and "not-at-all fun-ness" of it. I want to go into survival mode where I don't have to think about the implications of my actions and just survive for a while. Maybe no one would fault me for it... we are under lots of stress just living in a third world country.... with twin toddlers and minimal help around the house, full time ministry and language study, sometimes just getting a healthy dinner on the table, clean laundry, and a mopped floor are as unattainable as the underdog getting the gold medal. I don't mean to complain, but honestly we all feel this way at times. But I can't just survive here. If all I needed to do was feed my family and keep house, I could do that anywhere, but I am called here. And I can't not share truth. I can't stop learning language. I can't spend my days grieving what I can't have only to miss the things I do have. So this blog may be mostly for me to write it out to give myself that motivation to press on. Or to ask HIM to give me the motivation and discernment to know what to pour my life into. To open the word when I am discouraged. To write a letter to someone who might also be discouraged. To lovingly prepare dinner and clean my house for HIS glory. To treat my husband with respect. To share truth with my neighbors and intentionally go out to meet people. To study language when a TV show would be much more fun. To invite people over for chai and prayer. To trust that HIS plan is way better than mine and I can trust the future to Him, and He will take care of it. "Even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you." Phil. 2:17<br />
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Encourage someone who is serving around you today. Let them know you support them and let them be real around you. None of us deserve to be on any pedestals except for the one we follow, who saved us. Lift Him High!</div>
thatcoffeegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05335429921379940374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5942058920779274551.post-62998423477199532132014-01-22T10:36:00.000+05:302014-01-22T10:36:13.194+05:301 year GOTCHA DAY!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I can hardly believe that its already been one year of kissing my babies goodnight! 365 nights! It is amazing how much they have grown over the past year. They learned to crawl, walk, run, jump, climb... you name it, they will try it! They are so funny.... I know I am biased but these boys keep us laughing. Daniel makes silly faces and clicks his tongue really well, and Josiah has a huge tickle spot which sometimes I just look at, and it makes him laugh! They both like to entertain and a crowd is normal and exciting for them. Every time we go out, they have to shake hands with everyone we meet on the elevator and especially all the guards at our building. Today one of the guards we see everyday picked up Josiah and gave him a sweet hug. Most people don't talk to each other on the elevator (or lift as it is called here) so when the boys start a conversation with their little "Hi!", it is awesome to see peoples' responses. And I bet not many other people have a daily handshake with the guards. They rarely act shy, they both are so outgoing and loving towards all the people we meet everyday as we go out.<br />
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These boys are the best cuddle-rs... and they have unlimited supply of hugs. I love starting my day with a cup of coffee and Josiah in my lap reading a book peacefully. After breakfast, you can expect a cantaloupe "flavored" kiss or scrambled egg fingers running through your hair as they say "I love you" in their own unique ways. Through out the day, they find ways to show me they love me, and we are working on obeying and its awesome to see them learn to put their toys away, to stop doing something when I ask them too, or to see them playing together so well. They take awesome naps (most of the time) but right now I hear them talking to each other from their cribs on each side of the room. Twins. Gotta love it!<br />
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We don't even want to think about where they would be if God had not placed them in our family when he did... or even what our life would be without them. They keep our house on its toes, that is for sure! We just bow in reverence to the holy one who saw fit to connect us... and stand in awe that he did THIS : He put 2 lonely boys in a family... and filled a barren couples house with children, and its ALL for HIS glory. I could never praise Him enough for all the things He has done. "The Lord has done great things for us, and we are FILLED with JOY." Psalm 126:3<br />
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Hope you enjoy the video. Everytime the boys watch it, they delightedly squeal as they see their Daddy and Momma picking them up! I love being able to share the story of their adoption as a limited picture of the redeeming love that brought all who believe into HIS family. I can only imagine THAT Gotcha day... when all our faith will be sight and we will forever sing His praises! Hallelujah, What a Savior!</div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dzjBorlbmWN7g_Yvk5edUjdWBxMn6mg0Ni3mouKHAMwn_q-rHmKci07LAZTwmZpuZwrdjFQE_LJaPpmfyNouQ' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<a href="https://vimeo.com/84730810">Gotcha Day Video</a></div>
thatcoffeegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05335429921379940374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5942058920779274551.post-64430483255047835692014-01-19T17:17:00.000+05:302014-01-29T11:36:48.377+05:30Blessings...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
This blog is a prequal to the boys ONE YEAR HOME (aka Gotcha day! which is Jan. 22nd)... that blog will come soon, with a video, but this blog is just today... in this moment. Sitting here with the most amazing homemade sea salt caramel latte, halfway watching Enchanted on TV while all three of my boys catch a Sunday afternoon nap, and I am overwhelmed with the blessings in my life. The sermon this morning was about "the good, the better and the blessed" He spoke on how many times we work for the better things in life, but miss out on the BEST things which are the blessings of the Lord. I know for us, the best thing that happened in our marriage is not being able to have a child naturally. I for sure did not see this as a real blessing, even though I did try. The song "Blessings" by Laura Story was the motto that kept me sane. "What if trials of this life are your mercies in disguise." I still sometimes wish it was not our lot in life, but I would not change the past years with Ryan and all the lessons we have learned for anything in the world. The two precious littles sleeping in the next room are by far some of the most precious blessings I have ever been blessed with! The road to bring them home was not easy, but worth every tear and bit of paperwork. The boys are not perfect, but totally the most amazing fit for our family and those little smiles can melt ANYONE'S heart! I love listening to them laugh, and start playing well together... watching them share their toys and learn to make all the animal noises. Teaching them to obey has been a humbling experience and somehow seeing their little foot stomps in anger reminds me of how often I have stomped my foot at the almighty asking for something better or a different lot in life- thinking that I am deserving of the best things, which would be in my definition of best. Everytime, I have been astounded by His patience with this disobedient child and He longs to teach us all to trust him and his plans for us, which after experiences with him, we know are way better than our own ideas of good. I desire to teach my boys to be men of faith who trust in the unseen to do more than we could ever imagine. I want them to be men of truth that will stand for what is right, to defend the cause of the fatherless and strive for justice in the ways that please the Lord. I want them to be a light for the nations and that they will desire that all men know the truth. I pray that they give Him control of their days so they can make His name famous. I want to teach them to praise the Lord and to love to be in his presence. They love praise music and will dance to it for hours (no joke. Its in their blood) and I am excited for the days we will get to talk about the Lord and his truth and hear their simple questions of child like faith and gently guide them to Jesus.<br />
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This morning as they both stood hugging my legs, I touched their their little heads and rubbed my fingers through their tight little curls. They are a head taller than my knees and all of a sudden I realized one day they will be taller than me and I was overwhelmed. I will not be able to hold them close like they need me to now, and they will not need to be fed and cared for in such a hands on fashion. So I will cherish those moments when they do need me, even though it is exhausting... I admit its hard work. Kids require so much effort... twins are double lots of times.... and I sometimes wish that it was not always me that they run to when they are upset. They love their daddy, but most of the time, at least when they need something, its Momma they call for. oh but I love it. They need momma to cuddle with when they are scared, or hurt, or overwhelmed. Its past my understanding to be able to hold and kiss the forehead one of the blessings of the Lord in my life. And as I hear them starting up get up from their nap, I am thankful even more for the Lord who put them in my life and for whom I serve and live for.<br />
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on a not so deep note, I just got them up, enjoyed sweet wake up kisses, and started to put away the laundry... then i heard the sound of running water. never good with two almost 2 year olds. Lemonade all over the coffee table. such is life with two little helpers!</div>
thatcoffeegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05335429921379940374noreply@blogger.com0