Sunday, May 13, 2012

Out of my Control

I have never thought of myself as a control freak. I am pretty much a "go with the flow," people please-er. I think one of the most eye opening things about the past few months is becoming aware of my desire to control something, and the detriment of trying to control something just for the sake of controlling it. This happens in South Asia and it drives us nuts... There may be a guard who does nothing all day but tell people to park in some random order. It is the only "power" the guy has, but he still needs to exert his power to control where you park, or which way the nose of your car is turned. They tell you to not walk somewhere just because it is the only thing that they have any control over. I think they are crazy "control freaks" but I know that I am not any better than them. I try to control things around my house, and in my own way do the same little nit-picky things. I try to control my schedule, but life here is totally full of unexpected plans and you never know who is going to call you and ask you to come over or who might be at the door stopping by to visit. 

So, I have to say how hard it is to not be in control of things with our adoption. We have done all we can up to this point and we are just waiting on paperwork and then it will be even more waiting for our referral, and then more waiting for Ethiopia to set up a court date for us, and then MORE waiting for the US embassy to approve all the Ethiopian paperwork and then give them a visa. Nothing in pretty much the rest of the process is within our control. I feel like I could go through everything about our child (or kids) that I cannot control... but instead of being upset at the long list of things I can't control, I would rather make it into a prayer list. I cannot control if the birth mother of our baby eats good food and drinks clean water, but I can pray that she make good choices and stays healthy. I cannot control who finds them, gives them up, or whatever happens before they are in the adoption agency's hands, but I KNOW the one who will be with our baby before anyone, and I will trust Him to take care of them when I can't be there yet. I can't control the judges and authorities in Ethiopia, but I will depend One who is truly judge and authority of all and leave things in HIS control. I can't control how long things take, but I will ask the Lord to continue to grow Ryan and me as we wait and that our baby will grow strong and be ready to come home to us at God's perfect timing. I wish we could just push past all the obstacles of adoption and needy babies would be placed in loving families without any issues, waiting for a year or more, or tens of thousands of dollars, but that is not the world in which we live. It just makes me long even more the world in which God is in supreme control and there is no pain, no death, no tears... the forever home we were made for... but until then, we live in a world where things are not fair, and life is not easy. One thing I can control is my attitude towards the whole thing. I can control my reaction to the injustices. I can give my selfish desires to the Lord and allow his perfect timing to be my delight. I can surrender to HIS plan and be excited about what our family will look like. Though it is hard to unclasp my grip on wanting to control our future family, but I will let go... leave my desires at the feet of Jesus... and let HIM be in control of everything.

1 comment:

  1. We're so excited for you guys! Didn't know you were in the adoption process. Steve and I are working to adopt here in CA. We will be praying with you over your baby and all the people in their life.