creative threapy....

Adoption is just such a precious, SPECIAL JOY and Ryan and I are still overjoyed that God wants us to help guide and grow two of His precious babies... but this waiting part... its no fun. Yeah, I know... we don't have to worry about getting woken up in the night, or spend hours making two babies bottles, or cleaning up after them, or make a weekly doctor visit for the never ending earaches.... but that does not make it easier. One hard thing to think is that right now, our boys don't know us. They will not see us and come crawling over to us yet. But we know them. We SO LOVE them! And we know the ONE who knows them intimately better than anyone else ever will! We look at our pictures of them and study every little detail. We look at their little fingernails, remark how big their feet are, and we even talk to their little faces saying, "Don't cry little guys... Momma and Daddy are coming... we just have to wait a little while longer." We pray for them everyday, ALL throughout the day. And we dream of them at night, longing for the moment that we are united. But what is a mom to do while she sits back and waits as another kisses our babies goodnight; as others give them their bottles, and makes them learn to laugh and explore the world? How do you learn to wait until the awesome day when we are together as a "forever family"? Well, I find that if I use my time wisely, I am able to not just make it through the days, but I am fulfilled and energized to do even more things for the kingdom even while I am waiting. And I spend alot of time just sitting at my Jesus' feet giving him ALL my worries and trusting him to put the right people in J and D's lives until the day that he puts us together.

Sewing is something I always did with my mom growing up and I am so thankful that God put some special ladies in my life to teach me how to quilt right before we came to India. I had picked out some way cute fabric while we were in Thailand back in March, and I found some Indian coordinating prints. I told myself that I could not start them until we got a referral so the fabric was stuck away in a cabinet until the BEST day... August 29th, when we were given our two precious little men. I made Baby Dan's quilt Blue, and Josiah's Green. I used totally different patterns for each of them, but i have been really enjoying getting on Pinterest to see what cool new ideas I can find to sew the perfect quilt! Sewing for them gives me time to pray for them, makes me feel like I am doing something for them! and it serves as a great creative therapy to help me give all my worries and concerns to the Lord as I sew away on their little quilts. I have hit a few bumps along the way with getting the quilts lined up and I was so sad when my quilting buddies were not around to help me figure out how to fix my mistakes. But that's the way life is sometimes... and we learn how to make do with what we have. They are not finished yet... just to the part where I actually quilt and then the binding, but here is the progress!

I also have been making these cute little fuzzy blankets for all the other littles' in my life. Ryan and I get to nephews over the next months, and we are so thankful that the Lord has given our little men some boy cousins! I know they will LOVE them and be excited to play all kinds of games with them! These blankets are way fun to make and you get to not only sew, but cut and "rough up" the fluffy side to make them soft.

ultimate provider...

So, can I just say how GREAT IS OUR GOD!?!! I am still in awe that He has given us two precious boys. Thinking though what He has given us just makes me want to fall on my knees in worship of the MOST HIGH! I feel like I have been given way more grace than I deserve to persevere through this process of adoption. The less I worry, the more God amazes me with His provision for us.

Gen. 50:21

So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.

And I feel like I have found a place to just rest in this assurance. That's so amazing. The "Sarah" part of me wants to freak out and beg for help or complain about how hard and crazy this thing called adoption is... and the $20,000 dollars that is due when you accept a referral of two kids, not to mention that the total cost is estimated to be about $38,000 should have thrown me into a crazy cycle! But it didn't. I know that was God giving me peace that only can be described as from Him. And in just the right times he has provided for us. A few weeks ago, we were BLESSED with a huge grant from JSC Foundation... $16,000! That morning, I texted a friend that we got a grant, and as I typed it, the gravity of that many zero's overwhelmed me. WOW!

We had an interview with another grant agency called Katelyn's Fund, and it was so encouraging. They just wanted to hear about us and our lives and how they could help and pray for us. It was a group of the board members and they all went around and prayed for us. I have no idea what any of these people look like, but I saw the face of Christ through their words and I was moved to tears hearing others who have a heart for orphans and are willing to give of their free time to pray for families and to help provide them financial assistance. We got off the phone and I was just so blessed for the rest of the day! Then, on Wednesday we received our referrals... and that $20,000 was needed... The $16,000 was there along with $1250 from friends and family, and it was down to where we needed $2,750 more. Ryan and I were getting ready for bed, and didn't want to spend the night worrying about money, so we just prayed and went to sleep, resting in the Lord's provision. (it's really hard to have a bad day right now. We just look at pictures of our little men, and we can't help but SMILE!) We woke up to that grant company sending an email, sooner than we expected to hear from them, saying that they want to give us $3,000! I just laughed and rejoiced in the provision of our King. He even gave us $250 extra!

Joy of a lifetime!!!!

So this adoption is continuing to teach me more and more about waiting on HIM... and this week, we were totally surprised at God's quick answer to our waiting for the next step! Completely unexpectedly, we were called and asked if we would be willing to take the next two boys that were up for referral! um... YEAH! We had said we wanted two, but boys or girls did not matter. I had felt in my deepest mommy heart that there were some brothers out there somewhere who needed a momma to keep them in line;) and when they send us their little pictures, we could not help but shed some tears of JOY.... wow. I honestly don't think it has really hit me yet, but when I look at their faces and imagine what men they will become, I am overwhelmed and I can't stop smiling! It is still maybe 4 months til we get to meet them... and then more waiting for another 4 months after that waiting on all the paperwork... but just knowing they are out there... its so surreal and exciting! I just can't stop praising the LORD! The boys are maybe a few weeks apart and were found in different places, but they are meant to be brothers! They are 2 1/2 and 3 months maybe... and they really are some of the MOST BEAUTIFUL little guys Ryan and I have ever seen. They are tiny but they have smiled and respond to noise and follow an object with their eyes. After we go finalize the adoption, there will be a multitude of pics on here! until then, you can trust us that these guys are some really amazing little creations of our Lord. We are so humbled that the Lord wants to entrust some of his greatest treasures with us, and even though they are not here with us yet, they sure are in spirit! and we long for the day we will meet and they will be our forever family! Josiah and Daniel, we LOVE YOU BABIES! You are the sweetest and we can't wait to hug you!

Smells

I love amazing smells... like fresh pumpkin, apple cider, vanilla nut coffee... Fall smells are the BEST! So, its rainy season here, which makes me think it should be fall already. The weather is a bit cooler and the rain keeps the humidity down for a while, so I am living it up. Unfortunately, Rainy season comes with a lot of smells, most of them not so good! I was riding in the crowded train thinking, "wow. How deodorant would revolutionize this place!" I was still walking around thinking how I could change this place and how at least my home smells of all the fall goodness... (through my Scentsy's and fall baking) I started thinking that I was a better person because I wear deodorant and I know what a good smell SHOULD be. and the Lord ever so gently reminded me of something... When he sees and smells south asia, He does not judge on the outside, but he looks at the hearts, and he LONGS for them to come to Him no matter what they smell like! It was like he said, "I love that smell... i MADE that smell..." He loves the dirty babies on the side of the road, He loves the hardworking man with grease under his nails, He loves the mother who has not had a bath in two weeks. I just forget sometimes that God doesn't expect us to come to Him after we are all cleaned up... he takes us, dirt and all. Smelly and grimy, like a loving father he cleans us up for HIS glory.  

without pollution

I went for a nice walk out in the wonderfully "sticky" part of the day. I needed to run some errands, and I thought why not walk the few miles instead of taking public transit. Well, just as soon as I was almost there, the sticky weather ended when the clouds broke open and I got to experience monsoon first hand. I can't complain, I love rain, but it is funny when you go in to get your groceries and your hair is creating a puddle around the peaches.
James (you know, the one from the Good book) really has a way of convicting, assuring, and inspiring one to action. One of my favorite new verses is James 1:27, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." As an adopting mother, I really LOVE the first part of the verse, (I will care for whatever orphans God puts in our path!) but the second part has deep truth as well. What is keeping oneself from being polluted by the world? Well, think about pollution. Being in one of the most populated cities in the world in a country where no one seems to care about the environment, I am surrounded by world pollution. It is everywhere. And let me tell you, it is not great. The smell can be so much that you almost choke. Here is Beth Moore's question I LOVE: "How on earth do we serve in the world without smelling like it?" I pondered this on my walk today, and as I was running to get out of the rain, I was reminded that no matter how much you try, there is no way to stay completely "clean" if we are going to go out and serve. But what a blessing to know the One who can truly clean us up at the end of the day, and the more dirt, the more He will wipe away. I want to hear well done, good and faithful one, and if that means some days when I arrive home, I have nothing but worn, blistered feet and dirt under my nails, I am willing. Beth Moore goes on to say, "Living this way requires serious disciple and determination. With courage and deep conviction. You don't live this kind of life accidentally. You make up your mind who you want to be and daily die to the rest. You surrender yourself to living in the tension where you'll always be stretched and often be broken." That is the kind of life I want.

Joy...

One thing that the past few years that God is teaching me is about finding Joy in the midst of trials. Tears started as I watched the Beth Moore James video. What hit me the most was her clear statement about our anguish morphing into Joy. "The thing that was your heart-ache or horror, becomes the very thing that is so precious we can't imagine Life without it.... Only a redeemer can do that!" Man, that gets me so excited to press on and see what the LORD will do to turn our heart ache and anguish into JOY.
So adoption update- we cleared USCIS! This is the document that states that we are allowed to bring an orphan into our home, and to become a US citizen since they will be our legal kids! no, we still don't have a child matched with us yet, and no, we still don't know when we will travel, or when we can bring them home, but we will take whatever victories the Lord wants to give us! We are just jumping for joy that this cleared. In hind sight, we had nothing to fear, but we were worried that they might not clear us since we have Katie living in our home with us. She grew up in a orphanage in the foothills of the Himalayas, and a folded up paper written in Nepali was the only proof she had of her birth... Getting her the official documents and school registration cards has been a task, but it was all finished just before we went to turn in our paperwork. We had been warned there was a possibility that without more documents on Katie we might not pass. There just really nothing more that we could do but to trust the Lord. I had been lifting up the request that if they were going to need more info on her that we could not get, (it could mean that she would have to get a new place to live) that the Father would take His hand and cover her name so that it would not become a problem for any of us. I feel strongly that He did just that because I really am shocked that we passed so fast! It was less than a month, and they estimated that it would take 2 -3 months, (and this is South Asia!) But the Lord was good and let us not have to worry about it ANYMORE!!!!! All Glory to HIM!

Seekers...

It started with feeling sorry for myself. Ryan and I miss some things about America and baseball has to be our "favorite pass time". We spent the first few years of our marriage going to game after game, keeping up on the radio with the ones that we couldn't attend, and knowing all the stats! So this morning was the All Star game on our TV! We were SO EXCITED! It was at 5am, but we brewed our coffee, turned on our living room AC and snuggled up for a fun game. We caught the pregame, teared up at the national anthem, and saw the first pitch. On the second pitch, the cable cut out. Are you kidding me? We waited for a while, and nothing. By 6, I started calling the cable company but no one answered (yeah, I know, if it was me, I would not answer the phone 6am either!) We had some other stuff to do, so we started working on it with a bad attitude about how horrible our life is over here. Then we called my family, complaining about how hard life is- regarding little things- like the cable. Mom told me to go in the other room and talk just us. No husbands. She asked the deep questions that you know in your heart of hearts you LONG for someone to ask, but also greatly fear. You know that dreaded feeling that someone is about to see the gritty and dirty places in your heart. But I was so desperate for someone to care. I am always so afraid they will see the worst and leave and not notice how the Lord is redeeming this selfish heart into one that beats only for Him. So Mom listened and pulled out of me what was really the heart of the issue. Life is hard. There is no way around it. But God is Good. All the time. There is no escaping that either! WOW! That's comforting. But how to find peace in the middle of life's little struggles? As humans we want to be heard and understood, and being in a different culture surrounded by a language my mother never spoke to me is really a challenge some days.

So about the feeling sorry for myself. I moped for a bit and then realized I NEEDED some time with my maker. I went to the piano keyboard and started playing and singing the first thing that popped in my head. "Lord we want to know you, Live our lives to show you, All the love we owe you, we're seekers of your heart. Until we give you first place, until we let you begin- to fill us with your spirit, renew us from within. Nothing matters, nothing's gained. Without your holy presence our lives are lived in vain." Wow. I searched it out in the new Bapt'st hymnal and played it through in that key, and looked at the song on the next page. "We are an offering" Seems so easy right? "We lift our voices, we lift our hands, We lift our lives up to you, we are an offering." Really? I can lift my voice all day. I can raise my hands with the best of them! But this lifting our lives, that's where the challenge lies. And it has to be that HE is in first place. Until then, nothing matters. The last thing on earth I want to do is live in vain. Man, if this gos'pel were not true, I would be living in my perfect house with a picket fence and I would speak only in English, have Tivo, chocolate chip cookies for every meal, and spend my days crafting new things off pinterest. But it IS REAL, and we are called to share that reality with others. To sacrifice our lives for the cause of the gosp'el. That's where we find the true purpose for our lives. Today, still feeling a bit sorry for myself, I felt like I understand a bit of what Paul meant when he said that we are allowed to share in his sufferings. Then I went to Philippians and realized how FAR I have to go to really understand suffering. "I want to know Chri'st and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death." (phil. 3:10) I stopped in my tracks. Like him in his death. wow. And I am mad about a game and a few things that make life hard? My friends, what a blessed savior we serve who understands those deep places in our hearts. Who knows all our faults and our mistakes, and yet, he STILL LOVES US?! That seems like a crazy kind of love to me. And yeah, I am so, SO thankful that this crazy love God, loves me. And that he does consider me worthy to share in the fellowship of his suffering, even in small ways, all for the sake of the gosp'el. So for today, even when I spent a good share of it moping around, I found what I can do to live my life as a offering. To Seek His HEART. Search out what it means to be called HIS OWN. To be intimate with the only one who really understands me. I can't wait to see what that kind of fellowship with him that it holds, and how that can spill out of me so others can see the goodness of the Lord.