Bring on the PINK!

We are so excited to introduce our little baby girl, Abigail Grace. She is 17 months, and in China waiting for us!
The story of how we found each other is really a God story, and man, he is not finished with her, or with us! We were waiting for the email that has a picture and a file of a little kid... and then we have a certain amount of days to review, have a Dr look at the medical file, and then accept or ask for the next file. We were expecting it to come any day now... and then an email came with a bunch of special focus list of kids with more pressing needs. It had pictures and listed the reasons why the child needs a family more urgently. Some of them were bigger needs and some just require a surgery, but they all need a family. Ryan looked through the pictures like he did every time the email came, and this time he said, "Hey look at that girls smile! Do you think she could be our girl?" Strangely, I was the more "practical" one in this circumstance, and I look at her... pushed down the feelings of "OH WOW! Isn't she adorable?" and try to rationalize how the email would come just like I expected. We would KNOW immediately that this was our girl, just like we knew J and D were our kids the minute we saw them. I asked him why she would be on the list. And if its something that would affect her long term, and if it would require extra care that we could not provide while living overseas. You have to email back to request more info about each child, and I did not tell Ryan I wanted to get more info. That was on a Wednesday. Then Sunday we headed to church like usual, and I put the boys in the toddler class, and one of my good friends little two year old girl wanted me to hold her. As I hug this little cutie, I felt something. It felt like God wanted me to listen to Him and that He was saying, "don't be afraid. look at her file." I did not think I was afraid. I thought I was being practical. I thought our girl would come in a referral email picture and we would have that one MOMENT when you know someone has picked out the child who will soon be your own. This time it was different. It was a slow process of God letting me know that He was the one who set our family up, and even when it did not go like I thought it would, it is far more beautiful. Ryan, when I told him I wanted to ask for the file, of course, he had already requested it! When we got the file, I read through it. Most of it is full of medical terms and numbers that I have no clue about. I just now started to understand all the different heart problem terms! Thank you Wikapedia. But as I read what they said about her, I could not help but sob. In her tiny little life, so many hard things, but many people had stepped in to care for her. The reports were way more detailed than I expected, and they even listed what they feed her and how she likes to be held and how attached she is to her care giver. I just could not even believe how much God loved this little girl, and I was falling in love with her a world apart only through a file and a photo. One of the comments said that once she was able to become internationally adoptable, she was able to receive more treatment. We had several Dr.'s look at her file and give us their opinion. She does need heart surgery and it does need to be as soon as possible. She is still young, 17 months, but one Dr said it normally would have been repaired at 6 months. They said that once the VSD is repaired, she should catch up and it will not affect her daily life after recovery. So now we wait and see if the orphanage will be able to arrange surgery now while she is in China, which we requested for her sake, but we are not sure if that will happen. I personally would want to be the one with her during recovery, doing what Momma's do, and I would be able to ask the Dr. a million questions like a good heart Mom should.  Its been a real lesson in trusting God and letting go of CONTROL. When you have a kid at home, you control what they snack on, how cool the room is while they sleep, what they watch on TV... we can't control everything, but we do what we can. I do that with my boys without thinking about it. And then God gives me a precious jewel, whose heart is in need of healing, and she is so many time zones away... and I have no idea what kind of bed she sleeps in, if someone gives her kisses, what she eats, if she ever struggles with her VSD (a hole in the wall of the lower section of the heart) or how soon I can help her get the surgery she needs. When I start to freak out about all this that I can't control, I start thinking about how excited I am to be on this journey, and how thankful I am that this special little one is in my life to teach me a lesson in trusting God and letting Him show His power and ability to take care of things. I am sure it is only one of many lessons in trusting God and giving the control of my kiddos back to Him. A good friend who has great knowledge and kids with heart issues was chatting with me and said the thing that helped me the MOST since saying yes to Abby Grace (thanks Ellen) I told her how I felt over whelmed and wondered if i had what it takes to be a heart mom with all that it could entail... and she said, "He picks our kids, friend. And that means you already have what it takes to be a heart mom."

 More later on how we choose her name!