Here it is again... August 16. My baby girls birthday. I always spend this day in awe of the sweet gift of God that this girly is to us but also with the tension of knowing there is a mother out there that may also be thinking about that girl. I wonder if she thinks about how big she might be and if she sees other 6 year olds and wonders if her girl was that big yet. Does she wonder if she has her same hair or dimples, or if she prefers baby dolls or superheros? Does she wear dresses everyday or athletic shorts? Would she prefer to sing or play basketball? In a perfect world, this mother gin China would have never had to wonder these things since families would always stay together, but that would also mean that my home would also be filled with kids who shared my need for sunscreen and Daddy’s eye color. A perfect world would mean there is no need for adoption, because Families would never have a cause to be separated, and there would be no infertility and the grief that comes with that. But we are not in a perfect world, but one that is broken. This year (2020) especially we feel the broken places and wonder how long Lord Jesus?... but we know that He is the creator of life and he longs for us to abide in Him. When we do, He will abide in us and He will heal our broken places when we allow Him. There will be scars from the struggles and broken places, but they will speak of His goodness, how He takes care of His children, to the world who is desperate to find the truth and for that to set them free. Healing takes time and we are all on a journey to freedom- some days going easier than others. The scars our family has healed through have not been easy but as we press on I can see that even when He does not answer my prayers in the way I hoped or give us the quick easy fix to an issue, we can see His mercy to walk along side us on the jounrey and we can trust that He will never leave or forsake us.
My heart is filled to the brim with love for this 6 year old girl. She gives the best hugs and her giggles are amazing. She lifts my heart and gives me courage like no one has before. She makes me want to be more brave- to seek to be more like Jesus so I can be the kind of mother that this strong, kind girl needs. The way she loves her brothers so strongly is so precious and in the rare moments we are not together, they are thrilled to be with each other again. If I run out to he store without her, she acts like I had been gone forever when I get home and she runs to be with me as fast as she can. She can help with chores and is starting to read and write better everyday. She swims like she is part mermaid and can put away some rice or noodles. ( or a whole plate of IKEA meatballs)
Abby Grace, there is no other girl in the world I would rather be Mother to than you, sweet girl with a big smile. I want you to know that I will always love you and will alway support you as you heal through the broken places, we will cry through the pain and celebrate the victories as we journey towards healing and that he stories our scars tell will draw people to Jesus. He is the only one you need to give you true joy in this broken world, and I pray you will see more and more the depth of His love for you. I love you to the moon and back, and amazingly and Jesus loves you even more!
