Hush.

As we start out a new year, I was thinking of where God has brought us in the last one. It brought changes that altered my projected plan, and even though there were far less hospitalizations then 2016, it had its share of trying days. We packed up our life in India, the place I loved (and yet also found impossible at times), the place where our family had made a home. After time in the US, we left the convenience of Kroger, Target, and Mothers Day Out and moved to an amazing place to start life in the next season. We made some new friends and found a church, figured out the best grocery stores, got a dog, and overall started to make home here. Yet in the moments of quiet, I found my heart anxious and struggling to find my purpose here. Starting home school with the boys has been more of challenge than I first imagined. I think because I am so idealistic I thought we would all sit around just loving to learn all day and the boys would be so excited to learn to read, they would beg me to start school everyday. Not so much. Being a hopeful Idealist (aka dreamer) has its advantages and struggles... As I try to not worry about how to do life here in the desert, if my kids are going to turn out ok, or what my role is and how to support my family and point others to Jesus, I listened to a new Nichole Nordeman song and the Lord used the words to draw to me to Him in a deep way. Abby Grace and I were headed to the grocery store and tears started to pour as the Lord spoke so clearly over me, "Hush, Hush. You don't have to have the answers. I will gather all the branches, I will light a fire for you, rest your head till you've had rest enough. Hush, now Hush." Another line says, "I love you in the scorching sun, one cup of water at a time, til you remember that you are mine, I'll love you back together." The picture in my mind was so clear of me helping Abby Grace to sleep at night. She has been going through a season of crying and just really not liking the night time and I sing over her to calm her and gently tell her to hush. As their mother, I want my kids to trust that I will take care of them and they don't need to worry. I know that the morning dawns after even the longest, darkest night. I know I will be there to pick her up after nursery, I know he does not need to eat so fast because there will be enough food for everyone at the table, I know who God says he is even though peers might call him hurtful words... And if an imperfect mother like me knows that I will take care of my kids even though they can't see the end yet, how much more is the perfect, Heavenly Father able to assure me to Hush and trust that He has the answers. He sees me and He knows what lies ahead and will be with me every step of the way. Giving me rest, a cup of water along the dry hot road, and He will put the pieces of my wounded heart back together with His love in a way that only the perfect Father can. And in the most gentle, loving voice that ever was, I hear the call to just be still and know that He is God and to trust that He knows what He is doing and what lies ahead. Morning will dawn after the darkest night, He will never leave me even when my actions are anything be admirable, He will provide what we need and when we know WHOSE we are, we find out our purpose and why we are here. Only He already knows what this next year will hold, but I am excited to see what He wants to do with us and how He will spread His kingdom.

Isaiah 43:19 See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
    and streams in the wasteland.

3 years old!

(this should have been posted in August, but life hit and I totally forgot to post it!)
My baby girl is still baby size, but man is she growing up fast. Since moving to this part of the world, she has potty trained herself, adds to her vocabulary seemingly daily, learned her colors and counting, swims fearlessly (with a floatie, but she wants to go without and I dare say she will be swimming like a pro soon!), and has deepened her love for her family. She keeps up with her brothers and stands up for herself. She has started doing preschool at home while I work with the boys in Kindergarten and she keeps up with alot that they are doing. She has improved health wise in so many ways as well. We have been to seen the cardiologist here several times just for check ups. Last week at the check up, they said her pulmonary pressures were normal. WHOA! So we knew she had severe pulmonary hypertension when we picked her up, and we hoped it would not be as bad as it appeared (which it was as bad or worse than we feared!) or that it would reverse after heart surgery. It lowered, but not to a point that the Cardiologist would call it reversed. Until now. She has been on medicine for over a year, and her surgery was over a year ago as well. After lots of prayer and I know the healing hand of our God, here she is... weaning off of the medicine! We want to wean it slowly, but seriously, how amazing is our God! I could just hardly believe it... The cardiologist said she needed to grow and as she grew the pressures would lessen and her hypertension would reverse. So even though she still seems so little, she is growing and all the things that we cannot see on the inside are growing as well.

As we celebrated her birthday, I can't help but think about her birth mother and pray that she has a chance to hear about our great God. I pray that she finds peace in her choice to let AG become a Rainbolt and that she somehow knows that her precious daughter is cherished, cared for, and given a chance to live a long life. If she had not been able to get the surgery, her life expectancy would have been much shorter... Dr's that hear her story and see her file have said things like, "You guys saved her life" and I can't take any of the credit, ALL the praise goes to the ONLY one who did the actually saving of her life, protecting her through the months waiting on surgery in a cold orphanage, struggling with multiple bouts with pneumonia because they had no idea of her swallow issues. He has even brought her through the months of therapy and is healing her from the inside in a way that I could not fix. What a Joy to be Momma to such a cutie who is kind and helpful in our home. I love that God chose us to raise her and teach her in the way that she should go. She always tells me, "I will be your best friend forever, momma" I know it will not always be perfect, but I will always let her be my best friend.