Friday, September 26, 2014

I need you.

So, I realized its been forever since I blogged. I think its because I wanted to feel like I had something AMAZING or life changing to write about. Or I was afraid that it was just going to sound like I was a big complainer (my life is not horrible, but life with littles is not easy) I read blogs and feel either "Wow, that's exactly how I feel and I am so thankful she was REAL..." or I think, "There is no way in the world I could every become a mom as awesome as her." Its true, I have moments of pure joy and amazement at my boys learning and growing, but other times I just scrape by and fall into bed exhausted, worried about the dishes I left in the sink, or criticizing my own parenting skills (or lack thereof) for one thing or another. Comparison is a killer of JOY and I know that the later response to blogs is wrong (and those who write them are not trying to me make others feel inferior or like failures.) I like my house being clean. With the twin mess tornadoes, and living in India, that's pretty much impossible. Its a uphill battle to keep the floors from being sticky and the sink empty of dishes, but I prefer to live for the smiles of all three of my boys! Ryan is great about helping me to keep the dirt at bay and to help me not live with any guilt about playing with the boys more than worrying about keeping the house clean.

I love to pray through out the day... to keep the conversation going with the Lord. One of the songs that has really encouraged me is, "Lord I Need You" by Matt Maher. seriously I cannot make it though the song without feeling peace and a little more strength to make it though the next few moments of the day. With out Him, I do fall apart. I have been teaching the boys to pray, and their precious little voices saying, "Dear Jesus". Man, there is not much else sweeter than the sound of your precious baby calling out to his creator! And we pray for our friends... The first time I asked Josiah to pray for his friends, I expected him to pray for his church friends who we see several times a week and talk about all the time. But the first name he prayed for was not them... but our neighbor boy we play with at the playground. The minute I heard him, I was so convicted. I am have been friends with this family for a few years and I have shared truth, but seriously they have been so blinded by false religion that they cannot see truth even when they stare it in the face."The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God." 2 Cor 4:4. If I were to be really honest, I would put them in a category of "been there, tried to share... moving on to share with someone responsive" I know our God can do all things, but I had not prayed or shared with them for a while, had I inadvertently thought of them as too far from His reach? And here my son is praying for his friend, a friend who needs Jesus. So clearly I felt the Lord say, "No one is too far for me to reach them. They don't know they need me yet, but don't stop praying for them." Then of course the next person he prayed for is our house maid who comes for 30 minutes every morning. I also have shared with her and after so many times of them acting like they are not listening, you want to just move on. The lessons that can be learned from a 2 year old's prayer... Don't stop praying for friends and family and random people to know about Jesus... don't stop praying for them. His arm is never too short to save...

Mom's Night Out. See. It. TONIGHT! It's so GOOD. Maybe its just because of my life stage and the way that I connected with the main mom character, but it really blessed my heart. At one point Ryan said, "I don't think this movie is quite as funny as you think it is..."(although he did really enjoy it! and I kinda couldn't keep from laughing out loud) I was pretty much cracking up through parts that might not have been funny to me a few years ago! I do want to love my Jesus, my husband, my kids.... but sometimes I get hung up on the messes (see paragraph 1) and I overlook the little blessings that God gives me everyday. One of the scenes from the movie "You know what I wanted to when I was a kid- This. I wanted to be a mom, marry a wonderful man... This is my dream, I am literally living my dream, but I am not happy. Why do I feel like this? Am I a horrible person? I am just tired." I. get. this. I am totally living my dream! I have an awesome loving husband, a house with a nice kitchen, the most precious kiddos... and I live in a foreign country with all kinds of exotic vacations, better friends than I ever expected. but so often, I just see the mess. I just see the toddler tantrums. I am so tired. I just see my imperfections. I see them reflected in my sons actions. Yet no one is perfect. Why do I still strive for perfection anyway? As we started teaching the boys to obey, "all the way, right away and with a happy heart," I am reminded that I also have to obey the Lord that same way. Complaining about how hard my life is or grumbling when I have unexpected work is not obeying with a happy heart. I want to obey all the way... giving God more than just a few moments in the morning before the day starts out with a bang- praying for others, being a humble servant and making him known in this dark place are my priorities. As I want immediate obedience from my boys, I also know the Lord wants that from me too. Now Daniel, even when he is mad at me because I am about to get him in trouble, I ask, "how do we obey? All the way, right away, and with a happy heart..." He smiles a ridiculously cute smile that takes over his face. He still gets punished but hopefully he is getting that having a happy heart is important. Hopefully we will all get it and choose to serve and obey with a happy heart. And to live every hour needing HIM. To never think I can do this on my own... but to live in humble dependence on the Lord. That's my main goal.

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