Gotcha day!

OH WOW! I can hardly believe that it is here... our boys are with us and we are a FOREVER FAMILY! It felt really REAL last night and Daniel cried without stop for over an hour at 1am. Nothing worked to calm him down, but Ryan and I took shifts to try to settle the poor guy down. Ryan started singing hymns to him which finally helped him to sleep again.

So I can't hardly figure out where to start! Our lives just turned upside down in the most GLORIOUS and perfectly GOD way... and i hardly believe that at this moment, my little precious babies are sleeping soundly in the little beds, and we are FAMILY FOREVER!

Daniel had some rough moments when we came to get him. He has become VERY attached to his nanny since we left him in November. When we were here for court, he was SO happy and giggly and never once appeared to not want to be with us. Well, we walk in, calmly so as to not overwhelm them, and he sees us, and starts to cry. Everytime he saw my face, he wanted to cry. Knowing in my deepest heart that this was "normal" I tried to not let it bother me that MY baby, who we have spent the last year trudging through countless hours of paperwork, not to mention expense to bring HOME is not wanting anything to do with me. I sat on the floor, playing with some of the other kids, and I started singing. The nannies seemed to love listening, and one little girl was fascinated with it. It helped him feel more at ease and he warmed up to us eventually. Not too many smiles from him this day... but more have come since then!

Josiah had no issues and came right to me and started to do his signature squeal of delight and he was attached to me hip for the rest of the day. And ever since. He is totally a Momma's Boy and he loves going around in the baby carrier. I took him out shopping with some friends, and he was content to hangout, sleep, and take his bottle without once whining and trying to get out. He has started rolling over and trying to sit up on his own. He also stands with help and seems EAGER to get moving somehow. This kid is READY for action!

We are SO blessed that Jan 22 was our GOTCHA day! We will never forget that feeling of seeing their sweet faces again and then walking out of the door... the nannies with tears in their eyes waving goodbye... and us holding our precious little gifts from God, knowing our lives will never be the same again! Glory to God alone!

my boys.

So, on Jan 2nd, the US embassy in Addis accepted our file, so now they will look over everything, do some interviews (with the ladies who found the boys) and then they will clear us to get a US visa, so we can go get our kiddos! The boys are legally our boys... they are Rainbolts, but they can't leave Ethiopia and come to America without this final step. Ryan and I have been eager to go get them, really every since we saw their face for the first time, but since leaving them in Nov, our hearts are pulled in two directions. One wanting to be invested in our work here, and the other wanting to be momma and daddy to our sons. It may be SOON that they clear us... it could be as quick and three weeks, or it could be as long as another few months. We have a pretty good chance that we will be cleared quickly, but you can never say for sure on these things. So pray that things will be smooth and that we will be patient as we wait for the lord's timing of our reuniting with our sons!
 As I think about going to get them soon, I want to share some of my little treasures that the LORD gave me through my boys... Each one is so unique and special, and I want to ponder and treasure every little thing about them. Here are some of my memories that I will never forget from my journal.

Josiah: His smile fills me heart with JOY! Through his midnight feedings, he was WIDE awake and ready to play and would not stop smiling when he sees me coming with a bottle, even at 2 am! He "talks" all the time! His legs are moving all the time like he's ready for action! His eyes are so big and adorable... his lips curl up cute when he "coos" and he loves his fingers in his mouth! He loves his brother and tries to play with him. He always wants another hug, and loved to splash in the bath! He loved his toe being tickled and takes his bottle really fast and even took his cold medicine like a champ! I will never forget that first look at Momma... he immediately bonded with me and is somewhat of a momma's boy. He loves getting his cheek kissed; it makes him smile really big! And he is always interested in whatever I have, especially when it's coffee! He wakes up quickly and his long lashes blink slowly when he is tired.  He is so extroverted and loved being around people! He actually snorted from laughing at momma once! He makes cute little "moans" when he is tired and fighting off sleep. His curiosity for the world is so exciting, and he is going to keep us on our toes. I know, little one, that you will love our world travels!

Daniel: That first laugh when I laid him on the bed and gave him Eskimo kisses... He belly laughed, and my heart soared! He grabs your hand when taking a bottle, like he doesn't want you to leave him to drink it alone! His dimpled smile laughing back at me! His adorable little chin, fingers, toes, bright eyes, and smile! He has such a sweet spirit that is content to sit and laugh at you for a long time. He copies his brother and wants to laugh and play with him too. He did not like his first bath, but the way he gripped my arms so he would feel safe made me happy. (by the next bath, he did better!) I could just watch him sleep for hours. Putting him to bed is so easy... just a passi and a blanket and he puts himself to sleep. That first smile at Daddy will always make me smile. The first "tummy time" on the quilt I sewed him, he licked it! He does not complain when I oiled his curls or when I tried to 'fix' them. He loves to sit quietly with momma and daddy, and he watched slept through Andy Griffith with us! His curly lashes are so long and handsome. He "fros" out his hair on one side while he is eating or trying to go to sleep.  His laugh is priceless! He wants to talk so bad, and he imitates lip and tongue movement to communicate! He lets me know he is hungry by lip smacking, and he is so calm and easy going. You, little man, are going to keep us in stitches with your funniness!

Ryan and I could not imagine any more perfect little boys! We are so blessed and so excited to get our embassy clearance hopefully in the next few weeks or month so we will be reunited as a forever family! We will keep your updated on when our trip to Ethiopia will be~

New year

The new year is always a great time to look back over the past year and see the faithfulness of our father throughout the year. I can't help but be thankful for the blessings that this year has held! We have moved to a new city, set up a home in South Asia, vacationed to Thailand, Vietnam, and Ethiopia, made friends, shared stories in many different neighborhoods, and found new ways to use Henna art to open up conversations of truth. 

As we look forward to what the new year holds, we have to just step back and give glory to the only one who deserves all the praise for the last year. And in the good times, and the bad, we can stand up and sing, "Bless the Lord, oh my soul, worship HIS HOLY NAME. Sing like never before. Oh my soul. I will worship your holy name. The sun comes day up, its a new day dawning. Its time to sing your song again. Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me, let me be singing when the evening comes."

Its our three year anniversary and Ryan and I are more in love than we were on Jan 2rd 2010! What a blessing to walk this road of life, with all its ups and downs, with such a considerate and godly partner. I can't wait to see what 2013 HOLDS FOR US!!!! 

Whats in a name...

One thing I have always been fascinated with is names and their meanings. I was so excited to learn that names, who gives them and what they mean, are a high priority in Ethiopian culture. Because our boys were both "found" and not relinquished, we don't know who named them. What usually happens is the one who finds them or the police officer who does the paperwork gives the babies a name. Our boys names that they were given are Filipos and Mesfin.

Soon after we were married, Ryan was reading the word and said, 'Hey, lets name a son Josiah. He was an awesome follower of God who chose to follow at a young age.' I had always liked that name, so before we even knew anything about our little boys, we had a dream that we would have a Josiah. The meaning is "God will Save". How absolutely perfect that God DID save him... He caused his mother to put him in a place where he would be found, and God showed His power by saving him.

We realized that we might been given two boys, so we needed to come up with two names (we have a girl name, but that one we will save until God blesses us with a little girl someday!). We thought through all kinds of options and finally came to pick Daniel. Ryan has a Grandpa Dan, and he is a godly man who has served the lord through his lifetime, and its an honor to give that name to our son as well. The Daniel from the b;ble was also one who chose to follow God at a young age and so both of us sons have stories from the word about making a choice to follow G when they were young. This is our pra-yer for their lives as well.

Daniel Ryan sounded good and it seemed appropriate to give one of them their daddy's name. Then when we got his referral pic, his Ethiopian name was Mesfin. yes, I laughed. If you would have told me a few years ago that I would have a son named Mesfin, i would have not believed you! haha! While in Ethiopia, I asked around to find out what Mesfin means. Turns out it means "In the Kings Family." Ryan also means "Descendant of the King" WOW! So we kept all three names. And we really started to like Mesfin! The nannies LOVE him... and say "Mesfin, MESFIN!" all the time, so when we were with them, we started nicknaming him "Messi". But Baby Dan is our favorite name for him!

Josiah James also sounded good. James is my brother Philip's first name (which he does not go by), and so it seemed like it would be giving him a family name too. Then his Ethiopian name is Filipos! so the Ethiopian version of none other than Philip! Again, WOW! So it would just be right to keep Filipos... such a cute spelling of the name too. When I asked what this name means, people would just say, "oh, its a b;ble name." I knew that! haha! It could mean that whoever found him was Orthadox. I love thinking about the story of Philip and the Ethiopian who just needed someone to explain to him the truth and Philip was there at the right time. I hope our little Filipos will want to serve G in that way too. We like to call him Joshi (with a long O sound) It seems to fit him!

Since the moment I saw these little faces, I have just been overwhelmed with the grace of G to save such perfect little men, and that he is entrusting them to us!!! Ryan asked me when was it that we decided that we wanted two kids instead of one... He looked back at the emails sent to our agency, and turns out... it was May 21. That's the day that we think Josiah James Filipos was born. WOW! And Daniel was born a few weeks later on June 6th... and that night G woke me up to pr for our baby, even though I didn't know what I was really pr-ying for, G worked in amazing ways to save our boys, and I am so honored to be a part of their lives. More than any name we could give them, we want them to always know that their greatest identity is as children of the King. We are called by HIS name and that's what makes our worth.

  

shared suffering...

I was touched by a quote today, and I just had to blog about it. The professional singer, Aaron Ivey, said it in a sermon:

The call of orphan care is not a call to simply "save the orphan". The call of orphan care is to share in the suffering of the orphan. It's to intentionally position yourself, your family, your community, to suffer alongside the orphan. To say, 'Your suffering, is now my suffering. Your story, is now my story. I willingly position myself to suffer alongside you.'

(the whole sermon is worth listening to if you have time)

But I have been sitting here thinking about our "suffering" because of the fact that we can't be with our boys right now. They are a thousand miles away, and although I feel them right in my heart, I can't feel their little hands holding mine. I hear their little laughs ringing through my memories (and on our videos of them) but they don't hear my voices saying "Momma Loves You". It is all because of sin. That makes adoption hard. Some people ahead of us have done horrible things and it has forced more "hoops" to jump through to protect the kids. We have gladly done all that was asked of us, knowing its just what is required. And really, the joy they bring outweighs the pain it causes!

And this is just the beginning. Because they are so small, they will have less "baggage" than some kids who have been in more difficult situations. They will not remember when they were abandoned, but I don't ever want them to worry that it might happen again. I want them to know that we will ALWAYS love them and we were called to stay with them in a forever family. Their suffering... being alone and confused.... is our suffering. Waiting to be united. They may not realize there is anything going on! They know us, but not in the way that we know them. We care for them deeply and LONG to be with them, and they are happy to simply eat, sleep, and play. We know that ahead is lots of fun and the blessings of family and all that entails, but they don't have any idea what that will look like. It's the same with the love that God has for us. His love for us is SO fierce and yet gentle. It stands through the worst storm, and reaches out to undeserving sinners like us. We can't imagine this kind of love... even though He tries to show us, we often don't listen and like a proud child, assume we can figure this life thing out on our own. We don't care for Him like he cares for us... But he chose to suffer not only with us, but FOR us. Our story is forever HIS story.

We will have things come up as the boys grow... they will know from the beginning how much God loves them and that we were blessed that he chose to give them to us... but there will be days that the differences in our skin color or heritage confuse them and they will wonder why did their birth mom not "want" them. This will be part of Ryan and my story. We will tell them HOW MUCH GOD LOVES THEM... and that they were birthed by a woman who loved them enough to have them, and then to leave them in a place where they would be found by someone who could care for them... and God wanted them to become Rainbolts! He wanted to put some lonely boys in a family (Ps 68:6) and to fill our home with children (Ps 113:9). Our story is not written by me... It is written by the author of history and creator of the greatest love story every told, and I can't wait to see what the next chapter holds. I am forever grateful that our story includes a cross, an empty tomb, a loving family who told me about HIM, friends who keep me going when I am ready to quit, cross-cultural daily life and all that comes with living in India, a husband who keeps life full of laughter, and two precious Ethiopians who have stolen my heart and made me a momma. What a joy to serve a God who can write THIS kind of story!

these days...

I would like to think that in the next three months, I will be able to daily check everything off my "to-do" list and get everything done, and then life can get a bit more complicated when the boys come home. But life is not that simple. The last few weeks in South Asia have been somewhat insane. The biggest festival of the year, Diwali was last week... and the fire crackers are STILL going off. (They really love the loud ones that shake the windows.) I would plan to get together with friends, but it would have to be postponed because of Diwali and needing family time. Then there was a political party founder/leader who died and the whole city enforced mourning that lasted for two days. There was no food shops open! If you had not stocked up, you could not feed your family! (thankfully I have somewhat of a hoarding issue when it comes to my kitchen... not really, but we were fine) They even blocked the movie channels on the TV, no taxis were on the roads. It was the most eerie quiet I have ever heard in this loud city of constant motion. And again, people planned on coming over, but the lack of transportation made it impossible. Church was even cancelled. You know its for real if they do that!

So here I am. I woke up with a bad crick in my neck and can hardly turn to the left. But I want to check things off my list. I want to be used by the lord. I have my long (and unattainable) list that in my imagination I can get done on a day before I have the boys home.... but I have to remember that I live in South Asia. And things don't go on MY timeline. I can plan stuff, but it does not mean it will work out. I can try to get Christmas decorations, but they don't put them out in stores until the week before Christmas (And I heard Wal-mart had them out before November!) I did make stockings, which were really easy and quite fulfilling! I had the dilemma of writing "Sarah" or "Mommy". I went with Sarah since that is still my main identity, and it will be three or four years before the boys can read them and by then we will make new stockings and I can write Mommy on it then if I want. They look better in person, but made with ALL south asian materials... Thankful for a good textile market!

And with thinking how to get things done, I have to come to the realization again that my worth and identity is not based on my check list or really my performance on anything, but it lies only in the grace given me by my father. He can use this simple, yet willing girl with a muscle spasm and because it will be obvious that I could not have done it on my own. He will get the glory instead of me. and that's what I really want. I want Him to tell me what to write on my "to-do" list and to let me know its ok if I don't get it accomplished in one day.

We are still waiting on a letter to finalize our court for our adoption. The fact that it has taken over 20 days is rough. We really are hoping that today is the day. Every "bing" on the computer, Ryan and I check to see if its the email that we are waiting for... Other people have gotten there letter, so we know it is coming which is comforting. We just trust that God already knows the time that we will bring our boys into our home... They already fill our days with joy and love. We watch videos of them over and over! I want to trust not only IN him, but TRUST HIM! I found a quote on pinterest that was exactly what I needed.

I had some new photos from some who were just at our boys care center... and it was the FIRST time I have seen Josiah smile for anyone other than US.... It made my day! When I left him there after loving on him and giving him undivided attention for 10 days (and this little guy LOVES attention! He is 100% extroverted!) He looked at me as I put him back in his crib where almost all of his life has happened and I know, he's too little to really think this, but I he gave me a look that was questioning... Like, he wondered why his nanny was back, and he was here instead of with me and daddy and his new brother. He had been "talking" and laughing and constantly making noise, but there, he was silent and laid there sucking his favorite two fingers. I know. Its a stretch. But I felt extra sad leaving him there. But seeing that he did smile again made my heart soar! I KNOW the nannies love them... They cried when I took them with me for 10 days! And they cried more at seeing me leave them without them then even I did at that moment. SO thankful for love like that.

 

the next step

I really don't want to write this, but I know its necessary. Just in case you don't know how Ethiopian adoption works these days, it takes two trips to get your little ones home, so we did our first trip, fell in LOVE with our little men, and now we are home. In an empty-ish house. waiting. and waiting. LONGING for the day we are a forever family, but this is the long, hard, dry season. or maybe its a snowy winter. its for sure not the summer sun where everything is perfect. and its not the rain where we feel blessings pouring. But I KNOW that God does not want me to wallow in my sadness of leaving the boys. I can't help but think about them everyday. ache to be with them. to see their expressive faces once again, knowing they save their best smiles for momma. I want to be able to move deeper in my love for my Jesus, but also my babies. I know that Jesus loves my babies even more than I do... he created them before I knew who they were and they are so precious to him... and the more I fall in love with Jesus, the more I fall in love with my boys. but somewhere in my deepest heart, i feel bitterness trying to root. It says how unfair this process is, and how I have a right to be mad at the policies, or the people that have done wrong to make a more through process and two trips necessary, and even at God for not letting it work out quicker. but i want to fight that bitterness so it will not root in me! I don't want to be bitter at Ethiopia... it gave me the two most beautiful babies! And the wrongs people have done (unethical practices: i.e. baby "buying" or trafficking and abuse) these are a part of our world because its no longer eden.... we live in a fallen world and there no escaping it. and most of all, I don't want to be bitter at God. He did not create us to live in resentment or anger or bitterness. He wants us to walk in JOY and LOVE and PEACE...

its not natural for a momma to have to leave her babies across the world... its not natural for a daddy to have not control over the protection and provision of his little men. its hard. no candy coating it. but here we are. and what to do? give it back to the only one who is in control and holding our little men when we can't. and He will make sure they are protected and provided for even better than we can.

I asked Him this morning, "what do you want to do with me during this time? I know its not for me to just sit back and sadly just wait until our next trip and THEN life can begin again..." and I just knew that there is so much that He wants me to learn and grow deeper with Him in. Since the beginning of this process, I knew it was NOT about growing our family, but about me and HIM growing closer to together. And its not been easy. And i don't see it getting easier. But its so sweet. I love how Jesus doesn't give us what we ask for... at least in the way that we expect him to... I asked for a baby, and for 2 1/2 years, his answer seemed to be no. and it was hard. bitterness tried to root then too! And out of HIS grace, we NOW have 2 boys! The cutest EVER! and I would have never met them if God had given me my first request... and there would be two more orphans with out a family. and in the rest of the process I need to continue to trust that just like He has had His hand on everything... He will continue to have His hand on everything. I was just drinking my coffee and a song came into my head, "All this pain, i wonder if i'll ever find my way. i wonder if my life could really change at all...." "you make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of the dust, you make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of us." "all around hope is springing up from this old ground, out of chaos life is being found in me"

I want the Lord to make me into a beautiful thing... for HIS glory and to make this waiting not just something we look back on and wish we had done some things differently... or how we could have done so much more... I want there to be hope springing up in the dry ground of life around us. and I want to be useful and not just waiting. but some times, just taking the next step out the door takes all the strength that I have. this is good... its when sarah ends that the Lord begins... and somedays i run out of me sooner than others. But we try to take one more step again... and then again...

We don't want the rainbolt house to ever be a depressing place... we want people to come in and feel the spirit of the Lord there. So even while we wait... and celebrate the next few holidays without these cute faces with us... we want it to be filled with Joy, Hope, and the expectancy of what the next few months hold and what the Lord can do with us while we wait!